I don't know if it's the growing stomach, the nearness of the sonogram, working in the church nursery on Sunday, the constant punches from the little one or what, but I am getting excited about this baby. I have been excited of course since the very beginning but now I am getting excited in that "can't believe I have to wait until October" way. There is another baby, a person, another Jenny Troy combination growing in me, kicking me, enjoying the purple skittles with me. I was flipping through a magazine today and I found an article on Baby names that had several, boy and girl, that I liked. I could actually have a little girl named Audrey(yes? No?) or a boy named, are you ready, Chase, Damon, Riley, Brennan, Carson...(Lots of no's, right?). I can't believe in just a few short months I will be swaddling a newborn, kissing a new child's teeny tiny perfect nose, snuggling with him or her as I nurse her to sleep. I have so many wonderful things coming.
But even as I get excited, I get anxious. I have no doubt that I will love this baby as much as I love Mason. I just know that God will make my heart grow to accomodate this new love. My fear is how will my son deal with this new baby? How will I make him know that his teeny tiny nose is still my favorite place to kiss? Or that even though I have to give the baby more attention, he is still "my favorite big boy in the whole wide world?" And then comes the selfish thoughts. I can run to HEB in 2.3 seconds now. Mason dresses himself, puts his shoes on, puts himself to bed, and can play in the yard by himself. How will I adjust to having all of my freedoms stolen from me when I have been so spoiled by my perfect four year old. What will it do to Troy and I? How will I find time for "us" when I will have two kiddos who always need and want me? I know that millions of women have far more children than I do, but surely they had the same thoughts and concerns, right? And they all do it. I guess I just need to cling to the reality that I can do all things through Him and he chose the timing for this baby, even though right now it seems a little off. All I know is that I am excited. I am excited about the newness of what is coming our way in the form of this little piece of heaven. And I am quite certain that the first time I feel my baby wrap it's tiny finger around mine those lost freedoms will be forgotten. And the first time Mason kisses the baby on it's perfect little nose, I will know everything will be okay. And Troy and I will fall in love more with each other as we fall in love with this precious baby. And I will cry when I get overwhelmed by everything, and Mason will yell things at the baby and me he hopefully won't really mean, and Troy and I will have to adapt, but at the end, it will work out.
Right?
Right?
3 comments:
you can expect no less than perfect harmony!
right. it's going to be wonderful. it will be hard. but it will be wonderful. i think it's great that mason is 4 when he gets a new baby. i have a friend who's got a newborn and a 2-year-old -- she's having a hard time because the 2-year-old is pretty jealous. but i think mason is such a big, responsible, sweet-hearted boy that things are, overall, going to be blissful. i'm almost jealous that you have a baby inside! it's so amazing.. i can't wait to find out if it's a boy or a girl! (i always write these comments and realize i should just email you. sheesh.) love, seph
Right.
And there will be no time for you and troy...so you will steal it away...YOU MUST!
And then this season will all to soon pass as well...
It will work out...
Right!
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