Remember when I wrote in a post way back in August that I made this thing to put on my desk with encouraging scriptures and quotes for teachers?
And I said that i taped it to my desk so that when I held my head in hands and cried because I couldn't do it anymore, I would see it.
This is what I saw today:
"I've started a good work in you. When you feel overwhelmed and at the end of your rope, look up and know that your help comes from Me. Please don't lose heart in doing good, for in my perfect timing I promise you'll see a reward if you don't give up. Be confident that I will faithfully complete the things I've birthed in you.
Love,
Your God of Redemption
I want so bad to give up. To quit. To walk into my principal's office and resign.
It's not the job. I'll say again and again. It's not the job. For the most part, I love my job.
It's the hours between 4-8. When I am sick of questions and whining and neediness before I even see my own children. When I get my boys at their fussiest time of the day and they get me at the crabbiest time of my day.
Four months seems an unending period of time.
And I know how blessed I am. I know how great my job is. I know. I know. But I am just so unhappy with it all right now. I never see Troy. I never see the boys. I never see the house. I am not who I thought I was going to be.
And I know that in four months this post will seem ridiculous. And i know that i should be thankful that it is only four months.
But I want it now. That's all there is to it. I want it now.
And here's the other thing. We don't splurge. I don't buy clothes or shoes or jewelry all the time. My kids aren't decked out in name brand stuff. I don't have a perfectly coordinated decorated house. I don't have brand new cars. I don't have a fancy schmancy house. I don't eat out all the time. I don't make elaborate meals. I don't go on dates all the time. I am and almost always have been careful and wise, far from perfect, but wise with our money.
This situation is not my fault. That's what scares me. What if this is it?
And this is one of those posts that I will feel bad posting because I know you guys are sick of me whining, but it's my post and my blog.
And I'm sick and whiney and pouty.
So there.
Sniffle Sniffle.
You were waiting for the positive, it will all work out, it's not so bad statement.
It's not here today.
8 comments:
i know this post is serious and is written about something very serious, but still, i think it is okay to sometimes not think about the "everything is going to be okay" part of a problem. we are women, when you feel like whining, you should whine and no one should have to say, everything is going to be okay.
instead, we'll just sit for awhile and let you whine. then, if you want we can give you more stuff to whine about. or if you're ready to hear the good, we can say that too. otherwise, we can sit and be quiet and listen to a whiner. we all do it. don't feel bad. just let the whining make you feel better.
love you.
KJ said it best. There is no easy answer or solution. Whine away. I'll join the sit-a-thon.
I do want to talk to you about something that might help your situation slightly. I was planning on waiting until closer to summer when you don't have so much on you, but maybe it will help.
oh honey! you do have a lot on your plate! and you DON"T have to pretend that everything is ok - or that it will be ok eventually.sometimes we have to whine so that we have enough room to continue taking on the world. it's what women do - it's what makes us who we are. and we would all collapes under the mighty strain of the whirlwind of children and housework and husbands and job-work that is our world, if we didn't take the time to whine and feel grumpy and sorry for ourselves - just for a little while - so that we can pick ourselves up and soldier on. so you just sit, i am sitting too, along with some others who would like to sit with you, and we will listen and mabye whine some too,because sometimes that's just what we do.(i think i made a little poem for you!!)
it has been a crappy day for most of us i'm seeing, tomorrow is a new day. that's the beauty of feeling bad - we always get a changce to feel better.
here's to being women(tiresome as it can be sometimes)
cheers!
I'll sit and listen too!
But I'm tellin' ya...with all these whinin' women around, someone better break out some chocolate!!!! =)
they've said it already. and i've posted a blog in recent weeks that i started by saying, "this will not end well." and that's OK. screw it. be pissed and whine. God likes our honesty. He'd rather hear that then get a fake version. He patiently listens for as long as you want to whine. and so do we...
you're doing a great job, jenny. even though it doesn't feel like it, you are.
I like your whining.
It makes the rest of us feel normal too!!
I wish you had nothing to whine about and that I could fix it because I hate to see you go through this - but in the meantime, that is some quality writing... No doubt about it, even the whiney stuff is 'top notch' :)
If it makes you feel better, I whined all evening last night. about this and that and I work with my husband, and I have no children to come home to at night to take care of. (well, actually that was part of my whining)
See, it's always something! But ya know, I woke up feeling a lot better this morning. And I didn't even have chocolate. I just asked Jesus to grab hold and PULL! PULL HARD! Sometimes we just need a good whine and a good cry, let it all out, so we can get up and keep going. Well, I'm pulling hard for you too girlfriend.
i hope today is a better day for you love! sometimes we get in a slump we can't quite get out of, it just has to run it's course. yesterday was obviously a wierd day for alot of us, hopefully today dawned new and fresh for you.
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