Moving Forward

Remember this?



It had been 6 months. 6 months with another boy when, without really a conversation, the relationship, a very serious one at that, dissolved with a small understanding shrug and a nod.

Jenny walked him to his beat up pick-up truck and, as they stood in the chilly November breeze, they kissed for the last time. He smiled, she nodded and it was over.

She couldn't ever really pinpoint when or how the relationship with Parker fell apart. It began with such pursuit on his part. After a heart wrenching relationship that ended in a kind of pain only one who has given too much of oneself away can understand, Jenny fell hard and fast for Parker's unashamed and flamboyant adoration. It began suddenly and from day one was a topsy-turvy type of affair. As quickly as he would adore her every move, he could turn on her for looking at the wrong person or wearing the wrong thing. It was, perhaps, this very drama that kept them together. That constant rise and fall of emotions tied them together. She fought to change him. He fought to stay unchanged.

The turning point was his injury during their junior year of highschool. In one play on the MFHS football field, his sports career was over before it began. It all went down hill from there. And as weeks passed into months, and slow tears turned into angry sobs, the relationship ended.

And Jenny was left standing alone under the giant Oak tree that had sheltered many goodnight kisses. But, she was not heartbroken. She was not even sad. She hurt. That hurt that comes when anything in life fades into another. That ache that fills the center of your chest when life moves on before you're ready. She hurt because she wanted to hurt, to look back, to remember. But it was time to move forward.

And Jenny knew exactly in what direction she wanted her forward to go. And as she stood there watching the tail lights fade into the chill of night, she smiled.

She wanted him back. She had to have him back. It was just a matter of how...


***


After Jenny broke up with Troy, again, the oddest thing happened. They kept talking. Immediately following the words, "I want to break up." their friendship began. If possible, they talked more after the downfall of "Jenny and Troy, part 2"than during it. And Jenny loved it.


They talked about everything - boys, girls, school, crushes, fears, dreams...everything. They hung out. They dated each other's friends (but very briefly) and it was wonderful. He was her absolute best friend and it stayed this way until her Sophomore year.

On another infamous Corpus trip, Jenny once again became smitten, but with another boy. Another boy completely. This short lived relationship all but destroyed Jenny. She hated herself and nearly everyone else because of him. Troy was the one she called when she couldn't call anyone else. He was there when Jenny wouldn't let anyone else be there.


When school started, life took over. Phone calls became less frequent and then she heard a rumor that Troy was dating someone. A girl named Crystal. And they were pretty serious. Jenny had little time to let this worry her, because she was being pursued by another. She told herself that they were just friends and that's all. That's all it would ever be again and she was fine with that. She really was...

They spoke occasionally. They called. They saw each other at youth group, but things were different. The school year went on into Christmas and by then Troy and Crystal were a well known couple, while Jenny shocked the school by going out with Parker, the wild running back for the JV team. They rarely spoke now because Parker didn't like Jenny talking to Troy. So, she didn't.

Slowly, it happened. That change in heart, a realization deep within her that something bigger was waiting. Something better. She was fighting feebly for a cause not worth the struggle. Parker was not right for her no matter how hard she tried to make him right for her.

Troy broke up with Crystal. She heard the news from a friend. She couldn't ignore the way her heart raced when she heard. He was free...but she wasn't.

***

When the tailights were gone from sight, she turned toward the house smiling. She knew exactly what to do next.

"Hey."
"Hey!" His voice sounded happy, surprised.
"It's over." Jenny stated. She didn't need to explain. He would know.
"Oh, man, I'm sorry." He replied, sounding genuinely bad for her.
"Yeah, well, me too, sort of. But I knew it was coming."
"Yeah."

There was a moment of silence.

"Well," he finally said, "What are you doing now?"
In a sigh sad enough to evoke the desired response, but not pity, Jenny said, "Oh, just trying to think of something to do besides think about it..."
"Well," he began.
Jenny smiled into the phone knowing that she was going to like what she heard next.
"Richard and I are going to see Waterboy at 8 if you wanna come. I mean, you don't have to, but you can, you know, to have something to do."
Well, that worked nicely. "Really? Are you sure? I don't want to annoy Richard or anything..."
"Yeah, right. Naw, come on. If you want."
"Cool! That sounds great. I'll meet you guys there. Hey, thanks."

They said their goodbyes and as she hung up the phone, Jenny smiled. She smiled a big grin that stretched across her face, that, no matter how hard she tried, wouldn't fade.


She smiled while she curled her hair. He always liked her curly hair. She smiled while she put on her make up and carefully chose what to wear. And as she walked down the stairs, she smiled because she knew this night would be the first completely fun night she'd had in a while.

dinner?

Mason and I are eating mashed potatoes for dinner.

that's it. Mashed potatoes.

I did put in cheese and sourcream which must provide some amount of nutrients.

I really need to go to the grocery store...

Need a change

My hair is in desperate need of a change.

I am thinking of shoulder length, layers, long bangs....

Or should I just get it trimmed...

No, I think it's time for a drastic change.

It's just sad when you look at your 6th grade students and envy their cooler hair styles...

Sunday in the Park

We were a little bored this afternoon. Well, Troy was bored. He had driving range plans but the rain shut that down. I was just desperate for a reason to not do laundry. So, we took the boys to the park. We bundled up Grant and loaded Mason's bike in the Jeep and off we went. It was pretty chilly, but still fun.

Mason rode his bike for a while but then he started trying to catch birds. He is obsessed with catching birds. Obviously he never has, but he tries to all the time. It's so hilarious and a little odd.

After the park, we scrounged up $8.53 and decided if we found a restaurant with a dollar menu we could all eat for that. So we went to Burger King. I've never really liked Burger King but they had the dollar menu and were close by. And we all ate under 8 bucks. We decided maybe that should be a tradition we start. Sunday Scrounge - how cheap can we eat out on Sunday. The crazy thing is that we could have gone to cheddars, had water and split the triple treat appetizer for about 10 bucks. Maybe we should up our budget just a smidge. I don't think I can handle another trip to BK. Ick.

Then we came home and I put the boys to bed and started cleaning my craft/computer room. It's looking quite nice, except that it's not done because I decided to "just see" what the pictures from the park look like and, an hour later, I've gotten nothing done but edited about 5 of them and played around with some of the effects you can see below.

And of course I am still awake at 11:15 on a Sunday because I refuse to go to bed on Sunday because it means another weekend is over. Boo. But then it also means we are one day closer to summer...

Wow.

My friend sent me a link to one of her friend's photography websites.

wow.

Her pictures are out of this world amazing. Check them out HERE.

If I could be half as good as this girl...man.

She did study photography in college, but still. No one can teach talent like that.

And her prices are pretty reasonable, I think. But I think she charges per print.

A garden for Mason

Mason planted himself a garden today. We filled up an old plastic swimming pool (I know - classy) with three bags of cheap soil and one bag of good soil and planted some seeds. We are hoping to grow Marigolds, squash, green beans, chives and another flower...impatiens, i think. He picked out the selection of vegetation. We had so much fun digging in the dirt. I love the smell of dirt.

When we were talking about planting the garden, I told him he would have to take care of his garden. With every ounce of sincerity he could drag from the depths of his soul, he declared, "I will! Every single day!"

So, hopefully, something will grow in his little "raised bed" swimming pool. I sure do hope so because he will be positively crushed if they don't grow.

Future garden plans included a watermelon patch and a cantaloupe patch. Those will be in my garden. I,however, may not be as diligent in my gardening endeavors as Mason. I tend to put my plants through severe droughts for long periods of time. But, I really love watermelon and cantelopes so maybe that will motivate me.

I hate to say that and playing around on my computer has been about all I have accomplished today.

Brought to you by the letters HP...

So this post comes to you from my lovely new desktop computer. After carefully tucking away earnings from sprinkle of grace, Troy and I picked me out a nice new desktop computer. I am very much in love.

We were thinking of getting me a laptop, but then we realized how much more we could get for your money with a desktop, so we changed our minds. I don't really need mobile photo editing software. But I definitely needed tons of memory which is exactly what I got with my little HP Pavilion Quad core something or other.

So no more feeling guilty when I am editing pictures when I know troy wants to update some fantasy sports league. No more fried legs from the heat of the laptop burning me after three hours of blogging. And no more stupid little finger pad. I have an actual mouse. I love my mouse! I do miss my old keyboard. This one is oddly silent and for some reason my fingers keep missing certain keys. I am sure I will adjust soon enough.

So, I just hope I will continue to take pictures so I won't feel like this purchase was a complete waste. Which, I don't think I will because its just cool!

Oh, and one thing I can't wait to try out is this lightscribe cd/dvd burner thing that can burn images directly onto a DVD or CD for the label. I think that will be really cool for customers for their CD's. I can't wait!