Let my thoughts flow...

Nine months ago I wrote this post.

The Race.

And i started running. I didn't know what to do or how.

But at least I started running.

And then I started another blog to write about my journey to the Capitol 10k.

I was addicted at first. I ran almost every day, panicked if I missed a day, celebrated almost every run because I had gone farther or faster or harder than the run before. Then the weather turned cold...and my back started to hurt...and the days got shorter...and troy's work schedule got busier...and with every excuse, the runs tapered off. In December, I ran only 11 miles.

But at least I ran 11 miles.

In January, with the invigoration of the new year, I re-dedicated...but soon the weather and an injured knee kicked my tail.

But...at least I never completely gave up. I had a race to run on March 29th.

Since August 1st, I've run 315 miles.
Since the new year, 100 miles.
My fastest 10k was 52 minutes.
My fastest mile - 7:20.
I ran in the rain. In 29 degree weather. In 100 degree weather. I ran in the dark of morning and hush of dusk. I ran when I didn't want to one bit. I ran. And the runs that started with me hating every step, always ended with that same sense of victory. Even the runs where I felt weak and tired, those days with lead legs and breathless strides, even those runs brought a sense of victory.

At least I put on the shoes. And got out there.

My ultimate goal was running the Capitol 10k. And beating dad's time. When I found his bibs this weekend, his times were 56:23 and 58:13. And, given my recent runs and times, I was pretty certain that I wouldn't beat his times. Especially not on the hilly course. But I wanted to be proud of myself for at least not giving up on the goal of running it.

Yesterday was the capitol 10k.

It was an early day. And a cold one. Me, my brother Josh, his wife Kara, my sister Christy, my brother Micah, Jenni D., and my friend Sarah and her husband were the crew that made it to the starting line at the Capitol 10k. We had our layers on and were terrified of the hills.

18,000 people assembled along with us at the starting line and finally the race began. Three minutes after the go signal, I finally reached the starting line. And I was off.

I had a Chicago Cubs, dad's favorite team, hair band in my hair and on my hand. It was the small thing I wanted to have with me to remind me why I was doing this. I glanced down at my hand a thousand times during the race to see that hairband. It kept me moving.

At first, I ran an easy pace. When we came to the hills, I just went as slow as I needed to make it to the top and then gave it all I got on the level and downhill sections. On one uphill section, this tiny little gray haired lady passed me. I swear she was shuffling her feet, not even running, but, man, she was booking it! But the cool thing about a race this big - for every person that passes you, you're definitely passing others. It's super motivating to overtake someone.

The course was tough, but not as bad as I expected. I knew the first half would be the toughest because of the elevation, so I took it a little easier. After conquering one unusually high hill, a lot of people cheered. I hoped it was the "mountain" I had seen on the elevation mapat mile 3ish, but wasn't sure. I didn't want to get excited if it was just a baby hill. I just kept on running.

I had been hesitant to check my nikeplus pace, time or distance because I didn't want to feel overwhelmed by how much remained or how slow I was going. But after that big hill I pressed the button. I hoped to be past 2 miles and at about 18 minutes. I was at 3.2 miles and 26 miles.

It was on that downhill stretch that I started doing the math.

26 minutes. 3.2 miles. And that was the first half...the hilly half. The rough half. If I keep this pace up...26 plus 26 is 52...that'll beat dad's time. I could beat his time! But is my nike thing accurate?

In the human race, my nikeplus thing was off by like a mile. In the five mile race last week, it was off by .3 miles.

Where are the mile markers? Even if I have over 3 miles left, they're the downhill-ish miles. I could do this. I could actually beat his time!

I kept running completely and totally re-energized by the new realization that I could do this. That I wasn't going to just finish the race in under an hour as I secretly hoped, but that I might beat his time. My original goal.

I kept running. At mile 4.5 according to nikeplus, my right leg started hurting pretty bad. Not as though it were tired, but like something was wrong with it. It had done this before, but faded as I kept running. So I kept running. I wanted to find a mile marker so bad. I needed to know where I was. How far I really had to go. I hadn't seen one the whole race.

Finally, there it was... a gigantic number 5 that seemed to shout out - "just one more left! Just one more left!" I pressed my nike plus arm band. "46:20"

I have 10 minutes. 10 munites to run 1.2 miles. to beat his 56:23 time. I can do that! Right? I can do that. at a nine minute pace? and then the .2...I can do this!

I kept running. Mile 5 was my hardest mile. My leg really hurt. And the rest of me was just tired. I wanted to walk...just a few steps...so bad, but I didn't. I kept running. And running.

Finally, I saw the bridge. The bridge that was the end. I pressed my ipod - "53:12".

Three minutes to finish to beat his fastest time. That's far. It's not gonna happen. There's no way. But you can beat his 58 time. That's a for sure. That's a for sure! That still counts! You're gonna finish way under an hour!

I kept running. By this time I had shed my gloves somewhere on the path, and my head band was on my wrist. My shirts were soaked. I felt like I could feel every pebble in the pavement through my shoes.

Keep moving! You can see the finish line. You've done it. You're running the race. You're crossing the same finish line. You could have crossed it at the same time as dad if he were here. Keep moving!

The final turn and the finish line was right in front of me. I pressed my ipod. "56:20"

You didn't beat his fastest, but you're gonna beat one of his times! You're actually going to be beat his time!

I sprinted across the finish line. Grinning.

56:50.

56:50! 56:50! That's my fast time in forever! And on these hills! In this race. That's my fastest for real time! 56:50! Why didn't I bring my cell phone?! I've got to tell someone!

It was an amazing feeling. I was annoyed that I was just 30 seconds shy of beating his fastest time. I could think of all the breif moments - dodging around people slowly, taking a long corner, not sprinting down a hill - that could have added up to 30 seconds. But, even that small annoyance couldn't bring me down. 56:50! I was and am still so proud of that time. Nine months ago I had never run a mile. Yesterday I ran 6.2 miles in under an hour.

I wandered through the crowds getting the free water and bananas and chips and it was such a high! Such an accomplishment.

You know, there aren't many tangible goals in this world. There aren't many things you can, without a doubt, check off. Be a good wife, be a better mother, be kinder, work harder...how do you ever know if you've really done those things? But run a race in under 58 minutes. That's a for sure right there. And, let me tell you, the sense of victory from this one race is almost silly! I just felt so...successful. And, as very cliche as it sounds, I felt like I could do anything.

I didn't know where the rest of the "team" was so I took all my free goodies to the meeting place and waited. And thought.

All day I had thought about dad. He was the reason I was doing this in the first place. I wondered what he did the morning to prepare. What was the weather like the day of his runs? I thought about him crossing the finish line. Checking his watch to see his time - was he proud? Disappointed? What did he do after? Did he feel the same way I felt?

And then I thought about what would have been if we could have raced together. And my heart hurt a little bit, because he would have made such a big deal out of the day. A runner's breakfast, pinning on our bib numbers, getting our timing chips, lining up at the starting line. We would have lost each other, no doubt, during the race, but we would have been there at the finish line waiting for the other. And we would have talked about the hills and the race and what mile hurt the worst. And we would have dinner after...and we would have bought something to commemorate the day. And he would have loved having me there.

I just wish...

But second best was doing all of those things with the group that went with me. Josh was the first to find me at the meeting place and we shared our race stories. Then kara, then Christy. We heard Micah's story from Dave who met him at the finish line. And then later we met up with Sarah and her husband at Whole Foods and we all scarfed down the most guilt-free meal any of us had ever had and shared tales of the first time we all ran the Capitol 10k and spoke of our "next year" goals.

It was a good day. A very good day. And I know I could have trained harder or been more consistent and I know I didn't really achieve my goal of beating his fastest time, but I did it. For nine months, I put one foot in front of the other and kept going. Right over the finish line. And dad saw me do it. I know it.

I can't wait to be at the starting line next year.

You know that race I ran on Saturday? the Shannon Shamrock Race? Well, they posted the results on roadlizards. I got 5th in my division. Out of 26! 44th overall out of 117. That's not like crazy amazing or anything, but if I had run just two minutes faster I would have placed! But two minutes is a lot in a race. But still...I'm pretty proud of myself, I gotta say. :)

*edited to say: If you were to look at the race results, closely, you would see that a ten year old girl ran in the race. And her time was was 45:00. I was tailing that girl the whole time and I have to say that watching a little girl kick your hiney will motivate you to keep on moving. But apparently not enough to actually beat her. Her legs were like half the length of mine!