It's Friday!

This has been quite a long week. Not bad, but just long. Every day I would wake up thinking, "I can't believe it's only____ !" But it's now Friday. At long last, it's Friday.

Grant has done well with his first week of daycare. I cried on the first two days after dropping him off, but it wasn't near as bad as I expected it to be. He is adjusting well to the schedule and so far has formula at school, and nurses at home. He does have one bottle of formula at home before bed time but I am doing okay with the eventual termination of nursing. I think we'll be okay.

Bedtime. Both boys have been in bed, asleep, by 8:30 every night this week. I cannot tell you how nice that has been for me to know that at 8:30, the evening is mine. I try not to think of the obvious downside of this arrangement - I pick the boys up at 4:30, home by 5, in bed by 8. I spend three waking hours with my children. Imagine the knife piercing my heart as I write that statement. The guilt. The disappointment. Deep breath. Five months. One week at a time. One day at a time. One class period at time...

Hold onto your hats ladies and gents - Grant has slept from 8:30 - 6:30ish for three nights in a row. In his bed. It's been heavenly. I am trying to not get hopeful that this will happen on a continual basis, but, oh, how nice it would be.

Despite the new sleeping pattern in the our household, coffee has become a dear dear friend of mine. I have a cup when I get to school, and a cup at lunch to offset the afternoon drowsies I battle every day. I am officially an addict.

Thursday was a very teary day - irrationally teary. I cried several times throughout the day and then at home for no real reason. I just felt off. There was an unshakable depression that I could physically feel settle onto my chest. I don't know where it came from. I think I just feel overwhelmed by all the "I shoulds", the "I didn'ts", the "I can'ts" and the "I'm nots." I can't do it all right now. I can't be the best teacher, friend, mom, wife, housekeeper, cook, groceryshopper, billpayer, etc. And I am trying so hard to live up to all those quotes on my Mary Engelbreit page-a-day calendar. You know,
"Don't do what you like. Like what you do."
OR
"People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
OR
"Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you deal with what happens to you." etc.
I am not doing a very good job being happy in this situation and I have little voice in the back of my head that keeps saying, "Staying at home won't solve everything. If you can't be happy now, you won't be happy when..."

Don't get me wrong. I am not miserably unhappy. I am not crying every day. I don't sit at my desk and cry all day. I smile and teach and laugh with fellow teachers and have good, if not great, days. It's just that there is this constant unsettling feeling that I am not doing anything right. I am just surviving. And that, my friends, is not how I like to function.

But, its only week one. And if week one went this well, then it will most certainly only get better, I hope.

So, yesterday, after my teary day, Bekah came and watched the boys and Troy and I went to see National Treasure 2 and I loved it!!! It definitely helped the moodiness. It just felt nice to go somewhere and see a really good movie. I love going to the movies. I mean LOVE it.

I feel like I am getting a good response from the photography stuff. Thank you all for the supportive and constructive comments. I am still a little unsure of the packages, but those prices are really what I feel my time is worth to me. And I have to keep telling myself that if it's too much for people then they don't have to hire me. Its pretty simple. So, we'll see. I just feel conceited putting those prices there. Like I think of myself and my skills too highly or something...

I get to play dress up tomorrow. I am going to be a princess. It should be interesting and quite hilarious. Some of you will be a witness to this hilarity... :)

working links now

I have made some changes. I still don't like that my "packages" nare just called package a, b and c. I have been thinking all day about what to call them...And there are several other things I am unsure of and not totally in love with, but it will work for now.

I am rather impressed with my interlinking blogspots. Not the most professional way to go about things, but it's free! I can't complain.

More changes

I took off the links. I wanted to make some more changes first. In all my spare time... :)

I added some things...

to my photography blog - prices, about me, etc.

I don't know if I like the changes. I don't know if I am charging way too much or if my packages are stupid. I don't know if the about me picture is weird. I don't know if I need an about me page. I don't know why I am awake at 11:07 on a school night. I don't know what to change but I am sick of looking at them. I don't know how I can keep the four different blogs in my dashboard straight. I don't know how to figure out what to charge. I went with what my time was worth to me. I don't know what my time is worth to me. I don't know...

Help.
I must sleep now.
I might delete things in the morning...since it's obvious by the hour of this post that I may be too tired to teach apostrophes and the many intricacies of its use in the english language tomorrow, I will most likely edit my four, good grief, blogs.

procrastination blog

I dont want to do anything so I am blogging.

Mason is currently sobbing because he believes I sucked up a precious sticky hand that he got on Christmas Eve. I did no such thing. He cries still.

Grant is asleep. I should really be doing something of importance.

Work. Tomorrow. Fix that attitude.

My computer refuses to let me type an apostrophe. Odd. a little worrisome.

Mason still cries. Maybe returning to work isnt so bad.

We have no food. Sometimes food just annoys me. I just wish I could be full without having to cook or find something. I have recently discovered that I truly hate grocery shopping.

Sobbing, still. Good grief!!! Bed time will be here shortly - say 7pm. I never want Mason to learn how to tell time...

Grant is going to work with me tomorrow because it is just staff days. I hope my boss doesnt think I am taking advantage. I asked for permission. He didnt hesitate with a yes...but I just hate feeling like an inconvenience.

Put away the laundry, Jenny!!! Now. Stop blogging now!!!

My "Leap of Faith" is inappropriately titled I think. Its not really a leap of faith as much as a tiny step towards trusting that God has a different plan for me. A leap of faith would be quitting my job to do this photography thing. But I dont think that is the leap I am supposed to take right now. Oh, how I wish it was...

Is sprinkle of Grace Photography the cheesiest name ever? I have already asked that in a blog before. I like it so its staying. No need to answer the question.

I have decided recently or perhaps accepted that I am not a good friend. No, maybe not that...I am not an active friend. I am not a good phone person. I am not a good lets hang out person. And then theres the whole lack of energy and time thing...we really should just start a business of some kind and then we could hang out all the time... Think of all our talents...were teachers, artists, musicians, chefs...surely there is something!

I must do something. Fingers stop typing.

Mason has stopped crying. Ignoring him worked splendidly.

I miss my mom.

Troy is in control of our money now. I mean we, of course, still discuss everything but he is now keeper of the envelopes. I had a wee little problem of using different envelopes for different things...you cant eat shoes...and the car cant run on scrapbooking paper...

The cyring has recommenced...Lord, help me.

I didnt make a single new years resolution. Then I read the poem by A and felt well, lousy...and inspired so here is my new years poem. I am writing it right now. This should be good...

I want to laugh more
and understand a football score

I hope to have a cleaner house
and never get attacked by our friendly mouse

I want to keep my eyebrows trimmed
and be a better friend

I want to have more scripture in my heart
and find more time for my love of art

I hope to go on some cool trips
and not gain weight on my hips


Okay, both boys are crying. I suppose that my very inspirational and moving poem must end. Darn, you say! :)

Geez. I need some therapy at Target. But troy has all the dang envelopes...

The results

I took Grant back to the doctor today. It was a much quicker experience. My doctor, Wehner, was very nice and very laid back about the whole thing. Grant, again, giggled and smiled throughout the exam and seems as healthy as a horse except for the wheezing.

Anyway, he was pretty sure it was RSV but they ran a test anyway. It came back negative. Dr. Wehner himself called back to tell us that. He still thinks he has RSV but, to be safe, he gave us two prescriptions to help with the wheezing. But I could tell he didn't think it was necessary, but was only doing it because he was supposed to. He said that "RSV is the only thing that can make you wheeze and smile at the same time." He said Grant can't go to daycare thursday and Friday but depending on how he is feeling, he can go on Monday. So, praise Jesus for that! Of course, a small part of me hoped that he would say - no day care EVER! Quit your job NOW!! That's your only choice!
He didn't though. Darn.

So, I have to figure out tomorrow and Friday but my little precious is doing okay and things look good.

Thanks for the prayers, dear friends. :)

Leap of Faith

Check out the sidebar link...

It's my photography website.

Eeks.

I thought this would be a good free way to advertise and display some of my "work."

Opinions. Please. Honest opinions.

What should I add??? Take off???

Is it professional looking? Or just stupid and cheesy?

Oh, and I know that some of you have strong feelings about music on blogs but I like looking at pictures with music.

Okay, let me know what you think.

Eeks!