Monday, August 13, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
slide show
I tried making a slide show but when I look at it, it freezes on the second or third frame. Does this happen when you guys see it? I am trying to fix it but my computer is suddenly moving at a snail's pace.
next chapter
I didn't know where to go next, or, I guess how. I don't really like this one, but it is 12:40 am and I must go to sleep. Sorry if it disappoints my "fans."
Saturday, August 11, 2007
***an answer
The Monday following Penny's slumber party was quite possibly the longest of Jenny's life as she waited almost breathlessly for the phone to ring. Part of her was dying to talk to Troy, part of her, a bigger part, was beyond nervous to talk to Troy. What would they talk about? What do boyfriends and girlfriends talk about? It was terrifyingly thrilling for Jenny. There was one small problem, of course. When Troy called, there was a good chance that someone other than Jenny would answer the phone. Jenny had never received a phone call from a boy before and so she knew this momentous occasion would have to be explained. Jenny decided to be proactive about it.
"Um, mom?" Jenny had timed this conversation so that her mom would be in the most receptive mood possible to hear the big news.
"Yeah, Jen." Her mom answered as she straightened the table for dinner.
"Well, um, yesterday...at Penny's...well, there is this guy, er, boy, um, Troy. He's in the youth group and goes to church..." Jenny did not know how to just spit out that a boy her mom and dad didn't even really know was suddenly her boyfriend. This was made increasingly complicated by the fact that Jenny didn't even know if she was actually allowed to have a boyfriend.
Jenny's mom was watching her with a little smile on her face.
"Well," Jenny continued. "Um, we kind of got to know each other in Corpus and at youth group and stuff...and yesterday, at Penny's party, he called and asked me to go with him."
She took a breath and then held it, terrified at what her mom's response may be.
"Oh?" She paused. "What does that mean, really, "going with him'? " Her mom asked much more calmly than Jenny had expected.
"Well," Jenny began and then suddenly realized she had no idea how to answer her question. She knew actually going on dates with Troy would be out of the question. And since they would only see each other at youth group and church, nothing about spending time with him would really change. She had no clue how to explain this to her mom.
"Um, I guess it means that he is my boyfriend." Jenny finally said.
"Boyfriend? That sounds pretty serious for a 13 year old."Her mom replied.
"Yeah, but it won't be like that." Jenny rushed, panicking that her mom might not allow her dream world to exist. "I mean we only see each other at youth group and church and it's not like we can drive to go on dates or anything. I mean, really, I guess it just means we will talk on the phone a lot, er, some."
"We'll have to meet him." Her mom said.
"Well, ya." Jenny said finally breathing.
"And, I'll have to talk to your dad about it."
"Okay." Jenny said relieved that she wasn't the one who had to tell her dad about this. That would almost have been enough for Jenny to call the whole thing off.
"It's not that big a deal, mom, really." Jenny lied. "It just means we like each other and that's all. "
"Okay, I guess this is fine. But, if at any point, it's not..." her mom's face turned deadly serious.
"I know. Believe me. Thanks, mom!" Jenny smiled, relieved that the conversation had ended so well.
Finally, in the late afternoon, the phone rang and Jenny answered, her stomach fluttering and hands shaking.
"Hello?"
"Um, hi, is Jenny there?" Troy said nervously.
"This is me, or she, I mean Jenny." Jenny fumbled hating herself.
"Oh, hey, it's Troy." Jenny heard him take a deep breath.
"Hi! I have been waiting on you to call. I thought maybe you got the wrong number somehow or something."
"No, I just didn't want to...no, I've just been busy, sort of." He tried to explain.
A pause followed and then, without even really trying, the conversation just fell from their mouths for hours. It was shy at first, just details of their day and what they were doing and then slowly the conversation turned to them, as a couple.
Secrets of their crushes were shared. Both disclosed when they had started liking the other and that the Corpus trip was when they both "knew." Troy explained that he had wanted to ask her out on the beach that last night but was too nervous. Jenny divulged that she was scared he was just being nice and didn't really like like her. It was a glorious 3 hour conversation.
It was these conversations that made up the relationship between Jenny and Troy. Jenny had unknowingly defined to perfection what the relationship would be when she told her mom that they would just talk on the phone a lot. Hours were spent on the phone every day and they shared every possible detail of their young lives - their thoughts, their wishes, their flaws, their dreams. They were impossibly innocent, spending hours sometimes just trying to ask something as simple as, "What do you like about me?" It was the answer to that question that would stay with Jenny forever. She could always recall where she was sitting in her bedroom and how his voice sounded when he answered her simple question.
"Okay, so finally, I have figured out your question." Troy replied, almost audibly grinning on the other end of the phone.
"Yep." Jenny replied, feeling stupid and vain having asked such a bold question.
"Well," Troy hesitated only for a moment which made Jenny think that he wasn't trying to think of an answer as much as how to say it. "I like your laugh. I like your curly hair and the way we can talk forever and, well, you are - the girls at school are so fake, so covered in hairspray and makeup and everything, and you, you are so naturally beautiful and real."
To a 13 year old girl who had always felt awkward and never as good as the girl next to her, this answer was perfection. It was an answer that she would replay in her mind for years to come when other guys would beat her down. It was the answer she would cling to when she felt stupid or ugly or not good enough. It was the answer she would replay in her mind again and again when her heart was broken by life. It never bothered Jenny that his answer was about her looks because she knew it wasn't. She could tell, even in her young mind, that his answer was about all of her, inside and out. And the way he said it was so definite, so certain, so kind. He wasn't a boy trying to flatter a girl. He was simply telling a girl why she was the one.
It was dozens of moments similar to that conversation that eventually led Jenny and Troy to say "I love you." It was, Jenny knew, ridiculous to be saying something like this at her age but she felt it, or truly thought she did. And she knew he did too. They knew each other better than anyone did at that point in their lives. They were best friends. They talked far more than they ever saw each other and it was because of this that they fell so truly in love with each other. It was an innocent time for them and without the ability to see each other often, there were no physical complications. Holding hands was the most intimate physical contact they shared. Jenny poured into her diary a moment by moment replay of the first night they held hands. Pinkies touched, fingers curled around each other, and, finally, hands were laced together. It "felt like my hand were made to be held by his" she wrote. They were, unashamedly and blindly, in love, or at least what they thought was love.
They did go on several "dates." He took her to homecoming where she met his friends for the first time. She loved how proud he was to be sitting by her amidst all his public school friends. They went to several movies, the first being "Nine Months" as her parents sat behind them. It would be the most horribly awkward date of her life as they sat as far apart from each other as they could and shrunk in their seats during this movie about pregnancy. In every one's defense, Jenny and Troy's hometown had only one theater that showed the same movie for up to two weeks at a time. There weren't a lot of choices. They attended youth group and every event related to it faithfully. If they were in the same room, they were together, inseparable. They were Jenny and Troy.
But then, something began to change. Slowly, something, some part of them began to change. Neither expected it or even wanted it, but change came, nonetheless.
"Um, mom?" Jenny had timed this conversation so that her mom would be in the most receptive mood possible to hear the big news.
"Yeah, Jen." Her mom answered as she straightened the table for dinner.
"Well, um, yesterday...at Penny's...well, there is this guy, er, boy, um, Troy. He's in the youth group and goes to church..." Jenny did not know how to just spit out that a boy her mom and dad didn't even really know was suddenly her boyfriend. This was made increasingly complicated by the fact that Jenny didn't even know if she was actually allowed to have a boyfriend.
Jenny's mom was watching her with a little smile on her face.
"Well," Jenny continued. "Um, we kind of got to know each other in Corpus and at youth group and stuff...and yesterday, at Penny's party, he called and asked me to go with him."
She took a breath and then held it, terrified at what her mom's response may be.
"Oh?" She paused. "What does that mean, really, "going with him'? " Her mom asked much more calmly than Jenny had expected.
"Well," Jenny began and then suddenly realized she had no idea how to answer her question. She knew actually going on dates with Troy would be out of the question. And since they would only see each other at youth group and church, nothing about spending time with him would really change. She had no clue how to explain this to her mom.
"Um, I guess it means that he is my boyfriend." Jenny finally said.
"Boyfriend? That sounds pretty serious for a 13 year old."Her mom replied.
"Yeah, but it won't be like that." Jenny rushed, panicking that her mom might not allow her dream world to exist. "I mean we only see each other at youth group and church and it's not like we can drive to go on dates or anything. I mean, really, I guess it just means we will talk on the phone a lot, er, some."
"We'll have to meet him." Her mom said.
"Well, ya." Jenny said finally breathing.
"And, I'll have to talk to your dad about it."
"Okay." Jenny said relieved that she wasn't the one who had to tell her dad about this. That would almost have been enough for Jenny to call the whole thing off.
"It's not that big a deal, mom, really." Jenny lied. "It just means we like each other and that's all. "
"Okay, I guess this is fine. But, if at any point, it's not..." her mom's face turned deadly serious.
"I know. Believe me. Thanks, mom!" Jenny smiled, relieved that the conversation had ended so well.
Finally, in the late afternoon, the phone rang and Jenny answered, her stomach fluttering and hands shaking.
"Hello?"
"Um, hi, is Jenny there?" Troy said nervously.
"This is me, or she, I mean Jenny." Jenny fumbled hating herself.
"Oh, hey, it's Troy." Jenny heard him take a deep breath.
"Hi! I have been waiting on you to call. I thought maybe you got the wrong number somehow or something."
"No, I just didn't want to...no, I've just been busy, sort of." He tried to explain.
A pause followed and then, without even really trying, the conversation just fell from their mouths for hours. It was shy at first, just details of their day and what they were doing and then slowly the conversation turned to them, as a couple.
Secrets of their crushes were shared. Both disclosed when they had started liking the other and that the Corpus trip was when they both "knew." Troy explained that he had wanted to ask her out on the beach that last night but was too nervous. Jenny divulged that she was scared he was just being nice and didn't really like like her. It was a glorious 3 hour conversation.
It was these conversations that made up the relationship between Jenny and Troy. Jenny had unknowingly defined to perfection what the relationship would be when she told her mom that they would just talk on the phone a lot. Hours were spent on the phone every day and they shared every possible detail of their young lives - their thoughts, their wishes, their flaws, their dreams. They were impossibly innocent, spending hours sometimes just trying to ask something as simple as, "What do you like about me?" It was the answer to that question that would stay with Jenny forever. She could always recall where she was sitting in her bedroom and how his voice sounded when he answered her simple question.
"Okay, so finally, I have figured out your question." Troy replied, almost audibly grinning on the other end of the phone.
"Yep." Jenny replied, feeling stupid and vain having asked such a bold question.
"Well," Troy hesitated only for a moment which made Jenny think that he wasn't trying to think of an answer as much as how to say it. "I like your laugh. I like your curly hair and the way we can talk forever and, well, you are - the girls at school are so fake, so covered in hairspray and makeup and everything, and you, you are so naturally beautiful and real."
To a 13 year old girl who had always felt awkward and never as good as the girl next to her, this answer was perfection. It was an answer that she would replay in her mind for years to come when other guys would beat her down. It was the answer she would cling to when she felt stupid or ugly or not good enough. It was the answer she would replay in her mind again and again when her heart was broken by life. It never bothered Jenny that his answer was about her looks because she knew it wasn't. She could tell, even in her young mind, that his answer was about all of her, inside and out. And the way he said it was so definite, so certain, so kind. He wasn't a boy trying to flatter a girl. He was simply telling a girl why she was the one.
It was dozens of moments similar to that conversation that eventually led Jenny and Troy to say "I love you." It was, Jenny knew, ridiculous to be saying something like this at her age but she felt it, or truly thought she did. And she knew he did too. They knew each other better than anyone did at that point in their lives. They were best friends. They talked far more than they ever saw each other and it was because of this that they fell so truly in love with each other. It was an innocent time for them and without the ability to see each other often, there were no physical complications. Holding hands was the most intimate physical contact they shared. Jenny poured into her diary a moment by moment replay of the first night they held hands. Pinkies touched, fingers curled around each other, and, finally, hands were laced together. It "felt like my hand were made to be held by his" she wrote. They were, unashamedly and blindly, in love, or at least what they thought was love.
They did go on several "dates." He took her to homecoming where she met his friends for the first time. She loved how proud he was to be sitting by her amidst all his public school friends. They went to several movies, the first being "Nine Months" as her parents sat behind them. It would be the most horribly awkward date of her life as they sat as far apart from each other as they could and shrunk in their seats during this movie about pregnancy. In every one's defense, Jenny and Troy's hometown had only one theater that showed the same movie for up to two weeks at a time. There weren't a lot of choices. They attended youth group and every event related to it faithfully. If they were in the same room, they were together, inseparable. They were Jenny and Troy.
But then, something began to change. Slowly, something, some part of them began to change. Neither expected it or even wanted it, but change came, nonetheless.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
A death
Today, I have accepted the reality of a death in our home. It is not just a phase or sickness. It is a death. The end of one thing with no beginning of another in sight.
I have managed to kill (so maybe it's a murder) the most unkillable vine in the world. For two years now this vine has thrived, crawling up our house and down a perfect little wooden fence the previous owners put up. I have never watered, trimmed or done anything to this vine and it has flourished under this lack of attention. Even coming back, without any aid, in the spring, it was a home to many birds and lizards. It was the setting for many family pictures. It was a beautiful vine.
It is now dead.
Brown.
Shriveled.
Lifeless.
I don't know what happened. The only thing I can think of is that some of the weed killer Troy sprayed on nearby weeds somehow reached this poor innocent vine.
I pray it may return in the spring to flourish once again along our little wooden fence, but for now, I look out my kitchen window and mourn.
I have managed to kill (so maybe it's a murder) the most unkillable vine in the world. For two years now this vine has thrived, crawling up our house and down a perfect little wooden fence the previous owners put up. I have never watered, trimmed or done anything to this vine and it has flourished under this lack of attention. Even coming back, without any aid, in the spring, it was a home to many birds and lizards. It was the setting for many family pictures. It was a beautiful vine.
It is now dead.
Brown.
Shriveled.
Lifeless.
I don't know what happened. The only thing I can think of is that some of the weed killer Troy sprayed on nearby weeds somehow reached this poor innocent vine.
I pray it may return in the spring to flourish once again along our little wooden fence, but for now, I look out my kitchen window and mourn.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
fantabulous
You know what's great?
Those Betty Crocker cake mix things that you just add water to and then microwave.
I thought surely they would be gross but when they were on sale i bought one just to see.
They are not gross. They are absolutely divine. Positively, magnificently, not of this earth divine.
Stir in water, microwave, and out pops perfection in a throwaway bowl.
I have found heaven.
Go and find yours. Aisle 9 at HEB.
Well, I don't really know the aisle. I just thought that was funny.
Those Betty Crocker cake mix things that you just add water to and then microwave.
I thought surely they would be gross but when they were on sale i bought one just to see.
They are not gross. They are absolutely divine. Positively, magnificently, not of this earth divine.
Stir in water, microwave, and out pops perfection in a throwaway bowl.
I have found heaven.
Go and find yours. Aisle 9 at HEB.
Well, I don't really know the aisle. I just thought that was funny.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)