Remember when I wrote in a post way back in August that I made this thing to put on my desk with encouraging scriptures and quotes for teachers?
And I said that i taped it to my desk so that when I held my head in hands and cried because I couldn't do it anymore, I would see it.
This is what I saw today:
"I've started a good work in you. When you feel overwhelmed and at the end of your rope, look up and know that your help comes from Me. Please don't lose heart in doing good, for in my perfect timing I promise you'll see a reward if you don't give up. Be confident that I will faithfully complete the things I've birthed in you.
Love,
Your God of Redemption
I want so bad to give up. To quit. To walk into my principal's office and resign.
It's not the job. I'll say again and again. It's not the job. For the most part, I love my job.
It's the hours between 4-8. When I am sick of questions and whining and neediness before I even see my own children. When I get my boys at their fussiest time of the day and they get me at the crabbiest time of my day.
Four months seems an unending period of time.
And I know how blessed I am. I know how great my job is. I know. I know. But I am just so unhappy with it all right now. I never see Troy. I never see the boys. I never see the house. I am not who I thought I was going to be.
And I know that in four months this post will seem ridiculous. And i know that i should be thankful that it is only four months.
But I want it now. That's all there is to it. I want it now.
And here's the other thing. We don't splurge. I don't buy clothes or shoes or jewelry all the time. My kids aren't decked out in name brand stuff. I don't have a perfectly coordinated decorated house. I don't have brand new cars. I don't have a fancy schmancy house. I don't eat out all the time. I don't make elaborate meals. I don't go on dates all the time. I am and almost always have been careful and wise, far from perfect, but wise with our money.
This situation is not my fault. That's what scares me. What if this is it?
And this is one of those posts that I will feel bad posting because I know you guys are sick of me whining, but it's my post and my blog.
And I'm sick and whiney and pouty.
So there.
Sniffle Sniffle.
You were waiting for the positive, it will all work out, it's not so bad statement.
It's not here today.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
I'll probably TOTALLY regret posting this but...
If money were no object.
If I knew I could stay home for sure.
If I had better insurance.
I might want to have another baby relatively soon.
I just saw a picture of Casen. I cried.
Also, if we're going to have another, I would rather them just be close together in age.
Like I said, I will probably totally regret saying that.
If you see a post titled, "I knew I would regret that" you'll know what's coming.
If I knew I could stay home for sure.
If I had better insurance.
I might want to have another baby relatively soon.
I just saw a picture of Casen. I cried.
Also, if we're going to have another, I would rather them just be close together in age.
Like I said, I will probably totally regret saying that.
If you see a post titled, "I knew I would regret that" you'll know what's coming.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Only in West Texas
This is the weathe forecast for tomorrow.
Blowing Dust.
See for yourself.
Only in west texas could the weather be defined not by strong winds but by what the dust will be doing.
Blowing Dust.
See for yourself.
Only in west texas could the weather be defined not by strong winds but by what the dust will be doing.
Sick.
Sick. Sick. Sick.
Everyone. Everywhere.
Cough. Sneeze. Cough.
Snifffle. Sniffle. Sneeze.
I went to bed on Monday totally normal. Woke up with a terrible sore throat. Later progressed to some minor congestion. At school, my principals saw me and almost in unison said, "You're sick aren't you. You look terrible. "
Gee. Thanks.
Today I woke up with a continuing sore throat and a bit more congestion. I progressed throughout the day into more congestion more sneezeing and exhaustion. Then I began losing my voice in 6th period. My voice was much worse after 7th period seeing as how not one of my dang 7th period students can keep their trap shut or raise their hand or follow directions or keep from annoying the living daylights out of me. Deep breath.
On top of my icky achey poohness, grant has been wheezing again. I heard it on Monday, but tried to convince myself it was just me being paranoid. Nope. He was wheezing. So today I called the doctor and after the longest most complicated and frustrating game of phone tag between me, troy and the nurse, Grant was scheduled for an appt at 5:15.
Did I mention I am teaching literally bell to bell in every class today? I mean BELL to BELL. No quiet on their own bellwork, no "monitoring" a group activity from my desk. No. I am walking the room, giving instructions to the whole class, trying to keep, at one time, 18-30 students with completely varied abilities on task and at the same pace, while celebrating the small victories like Gregory writing the word devastated instead of sad and trying to celebrate that victory with the genuine enthusiasm of someone who hasn't had to ask her class to "quiet down and remember this is a writing, no talking day" more than a dozen times. Deep Breath.
Oh. And today was sweeps That's where like 8 head honchos from admin come in and watch your class and determine if you exemplify "effective practices." They came to my 6th period. When I was losing my voice...
Anway, after school I picked up the boys, grabbed mason and I a very healthy dinner at Sonic and went to the doc. Turns out Grant's wheezing and cough are of minimal concern, but he has one nasty ear infection. Poor little guy. So I have to get him medicine and he should be fine.
I really had a hard time convincing myself to go get the prescriptions. The thought of going to HEB pharmacy was too much. But alas we went. A head ache had developed. Mason was C-R-A-Z-Y. My patience was nonexistant. Grant was tired and hungry.
I've cried.
I've put boys to bed.
I've showered.
I've cried some more.
I've had three frozen waffles for dinner.
And now I have to figure out what in Heaven's name I am going to do with my students tomorrow because my current lesson plan involves like a thirteen step instruction, expand-what-you-wrote-yesterday foldable thing. Soooooo not going to happen. Does anyone know how I can connect a movie to something educational?
Four months. I can officially say four months until summer.
Four Months
15 weeks
70 some odd days.
a million class periods
I seriously may not make it.
Seriously.
Everyone. Everywhere.
Cough. Sneeze. Cough.
Snifffle. Sniffle. Sneeze.
I went to bed on Monday totally normal. Woke up with a terrible sore throat. Later progressed to some minor congestion. At school, my principals saw me and almost in unison said, "You're sick aren't you. You look terrible. "
Gee. Thanks.
Today I woke up with a continuing sore throat and a bit more congestion. I progressed throughout the day into more congestion more sneezeing and exhaustion. Then I began losing my voice in 6th period. My voice was much worse after 7th period seeing as how not one of my dang 7th period students can keep their trap shut or raise their hand or follow directions or keep from annoying the living daylights out of me. Deep breath.
On top of my icky achey poohness, grant has been wheezing again. I heard it on Monday, but tried to convince myself it was just me being paranoid. Nope. He was wheezing. So today I called the doctor and after the longest most complicated and frustrating game of phone tag between me, troy and the nurse, Grant was scheduled for an appt at 5:15.
Did I mention I am teaching literally bell to bell in every class today? I mean BELL to BELL. No quiet on their own bellwork, no "monitoring" a group activity from my desk. No. I am walking the room, giving instructions to the whole class, trying to keep, at one time, 18-30 students with completely varied abilities on task and at the same pace, while celebrating the small victories like Gregory writing the word devastated instead of sad and trying to celebrate that victory with the genuine enthusiasm of someone who hasn't had to ask her class to "quiet down and remember this is a writing, no talking day" more than a dozen times. Deep Breath.
Oh. And today was sweeps That's where like 8 head honchos from admin come in and watch your class and determine if you exemplify "effective practices." They came to my 6th period. When I was losing my voice...
Anway, after school I picked up the boys, grabbed mason and I a very healthy dinner at Sonic and went to the doc. Turns out Grant's wheezing and cough are of minimal concern, but he has one nasty ear infection. Poor little guy. So I have to get him medicine and he should be fine.
I really had a hard time convincing myself to go get the prescriptions. The thought of going to HEB pharmacy was too much. But alas we went. A head ache had developed. Mason was C-R-A-Z-Y. My patience was nonexistant. Grant was tired and hungry.
I've cried.
I've put boys to bed.
I've showered.
I've cried some more.
I've had three frozen waffles for dinner.
And now I have to figure out what in Heaven's name I am going to do with my students tomorrow because my current lesson plan involves like a thirteen step instruction, expand-what-you-wrote-yesterday foldable thing. Soooooo not going to happen. Does anyone know how I can connect a movie to something educational?
Four months. I can officially say four months until summer.
Four Months
15 weeks
70 some odd days.
a million class periods
I seriously may not make it.
Seriously.
To Crys!
Today's the day! In fact, there's a teeny tiny chance the little guy is here already! But I doubt it. I can't wait to meet him. I am praying for you and thinking of you. I won't come and visit though because I think I have caught the bubonic plague that is circulating around Glenn. And Grant is wheezing again so I don't want him to be a carrier of some terrible sickness. BUT the moment, and I mean, the MOMENT I feel better I am going to come and snuggle that precious boy.
I can't believe today is the day!!!
I can't believe today is the day!!!
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Dad
For some reason, I have been thinking about my dad a whole lot here lately. I go through phases like this. I will think about him, things we did or said, and they will just stay with me. I will have these bittersweet dreams with him in them. in them, it's like he never died but I have this sense of urgency to tell and show him everything I can before it's over. It's always sad when I wake up. I think I am starting to forget more and more and I don't want to. So this is a memory of us that I don't want to forget.
I was in my room writing a letter to Troy who was away at boot camp and I had my unit AC on and the music blaring. All of a sudden, I heard this awful bang and yelling. I knew Dad and I were the only ones at home, so panic immediately filled my mind. I was already rehearsing the instructions for the ambulance as I raced to my bedroom door. Flinging the door wide open, I began pounding down the stairs and saw my dad standing there panting and gasping for air, leaning one arm against the wall for support.
"Dad! What's wrong? Are you okay?" I asked, trying to contain the fear.
"Yes," he said between gasps, "just come on. Come outside, quick!"
Confused, I followed him. Although he said to go quickly, his frail body set the pace a little slow. As we made our way to the door, he managed to explain that he had been yelling for me for a while and that he wanted me to see the space shuttle. When we got outside, I found two chairs and dragged them out to the driveway and we both sat and waited. Then suddenly we saw it.
A bright orange streak lit up the night sky, going slowly from one side of the horizon to the other. It was one of the more magnificent things I have seen. Dad and I sat in awed silence as this man made shuttle created a heavenly show. As the orange faded away, we both commented on what we had just seen.
And then we sat in silence as the late summer evening surrounded us. The crickets played their nightly serenade and a random cool breeze rustled the branches in the trees. As the stars twinkled above us, I looked at my dad from the corner of my eye. I saw his chest heave as he took labored breaths. His curly black hair was graying and thinner and his cheeks sagged a little into his white beard. His whole body was smaller somehow. He seemed a shell of the man that had been my father. I felt a lump form in my throat as my eyes landed on his. His eyes were sparkling. His eyes were calm, happy, peaceful.
I could feel my tears coming, but they weren't tears of sadness only. The tears that filled my eyes were ones of appreciation. I was thankful that I was there with him seeing this. I wanted to say something to tell him how I felt but no words would come. Nothing I thought of sounded right. I wanted him to know that he had to get better, that this couldn't be some memory I clung to after he was gone. I wanted to crawl into his lap as his little girl and it not feel like I was doing it because it could be the last time. I wanted to tell him I love you without it feeling like the situation was bigger than the words. Instead, I sat, frozen by fear. Fear of making a beautiful night painful. Suddenly, he said, "Well, that was neat." and he got up slowly and starting to put away his folding chair.
I stood up to and said, "Thank you, Dad. That was really cool."
As we headed back inside, I caught his eye and said, "I'll always remember that." He smiled and replied, "me too."
I could have held his hand. I could have hugged him. I could have said something. But I didn't. And I am glad I didn't. Because sitting in our driveway that night, I don't think my dad was thinking about being sick.. He was simply a man with his daughter marveling at space travel. And I know that we were both thankful for our night under the heavens. I don't know why that moment has stayed with me so clearly. But for whatever reason I am so very thankful for the night I sat under the heavens and watched my dad gaze at the place he was to call home.
I was in my room writing a letter to Troy who was away at boot camp and I had my unit AC on and the music blaring. All of a sudden, I heard this awful bang and yelling. I knew Dad and I were the only ones at home, so panic immediately filled my mind. I was already rehearsing the instructions for the ambulance as I raced to my bedroom door. Flinging the door wide open, I began pounding down the stairs and saw my dad standing there panting and gasping for air, leaning one arm against the wall for support.
"Dad! What's wrong? Are you okay?" I asked, trying to contain the fear.
"Yes," he said between gasps, "just come on. Come outside, quick!"
Confused, I followed him. Although he said to go quickly, his frail body set the pace a little slow. As we made our way to the door, he managed to explain that he had been yelling for me for a while and that he wanted me to see the space shuttle. When we got outside, I found two chairs and dragged them out to the driveway and we both sat and waited. Then suddenly we saw it.
A bright orange streak lit up the night sky, going slowly from one side of the horizon to the other. It was one of the more magnificent things I have seen. Dad and I sat in awed silence as this man made shuttle created a heavenly show. As the orange faded away, we both commented on what we had just seen.
And then we sat in silence as the late summer evening surrounded us. The crickets played their nightly serenade and a random cool breeze rustled the branches in the trees. As the stars twinkled above us, I looked at my dad from the corner of my eye. I saw his chest heave as he took labored breaths. His curly black hair was graying and thinner and his cheeks sagged a little into his white beard. His whole body was smaller somehow. He seemed a shell of the man that had been my father. I felt a lump form in my throat as my eyes landed on his. His eyes were sparkling. His eyes were calm, happy, peaceful.
I could feel my tears coming, but they weren't tears of sadness only. The tears that filled my eyes were ones of appreciation. I was thankful that I was there with him seeing this. I wanted to say something to tell him how I felt but no words would come. Nothing I thought of sounded right. I wanted him to know that he had to get better, that this couldn't be some memory I clung to after he was gone. I wanted to crawl into his lap as his little girl and it not feel like I was doing it because it could be the last time. I wanted to tell him I love you without it feeling like the situation was bigger than the words. Instead, I sat, frozen by fear. Fear of making a beautiful night painful. Suddenly, he said, "Well, that was neat." and he got up slowly and starting to put away his folding chair.
I stood up to and said, "Thank you, Dad. That was really cool."
As we headed back inside, I caught his eye and said, "I'll always remember that." He smiled and replied, "me too."
I could have held his hand. I could have hugged him. I could have said something. But I didn't. And I am glad I didn't. Because sitting in our driveway that night, I don't think my dad was thinking about being sick.. He was simply a man with his daughter marveling at space travel. And I know that we were both thankful for our night under the heavens. I don't know why that moment has stayed with me so clearly. But for whatever reason I am so very thankful for the night I sat under the heavens and watched my dad gaze at the place he was to call home.
So thankful
For the little things.
The way Grant grins with his whole body.
not locking my keys in my car at the Brady gas station last week.
the way Mason says cubby.
the window over my kitchen sink.
The way Troy laughs when we watch the Office
teaching writing at Glenn
the way my house looks so cozy when only the oven light is on
the way I can smell spring coming
walking down the summer toy aisle at Target and getting excited
that picture of Troy and I at our Prom
the way my bed feels when I crawl into it at night
scrapbooking paper
having a TV show to look forward to watching on Tuesdays
having a house with a long skinny sidewalk leading to the front door
my front porch
having Bill Pay
growing up in Marble Falls
the way music makes me feel
Mason's laugh
Dr. Pepper with a Baked Potato
the sunrise last week that took my breath away
grant's chubby feet
my church
a house that came with a craft room
those moments when I walk by someone wearing my nona's perfume
the tradition of the superbowl
the way the national anthem makes me feel
the big tree in my front yard
The Frio River and how the things around the river may change, the rocks and the river itself are exactly as they were when I was a child
a friend who likes to do nothing but sit and talk
coffee at school
the wonderful smell of rain
bubble baths
the way all of Grant's well check-ups have fallen on my days off
having 4th period conference
knowing my work schedule from now until May
the strawberry farm and getting to see Mason find big strawberries
the way I cry the first time I hear a Christmas song during the holidays
the smell of sunscreen
the time I saw an active volcano create lightning
having my biggest classes in the morning
the familiar comforting sound of the heater coming on
that grant likes Target brand formula and luvs diapers
for board games
the first time I see a bluebonnet in the spring
half price night at Gils
books that take you away from this world and this life into another
my mom
that troy doesn't have a job that requires him to wear nice shirts and ties every day
for grant's birthmark
and for a million more little things that tell me you do care about me. The big things, my health, my freedoms, my family, those are easy to remember. But thank you for the little things that I often don't notice. Thank you for making red birds, and water that makes reflections and for the sounds of crickets at night and for the sound of a saddle creaking on a horse. Thank you for starting each day with a new sunrise and for ending it with a sunset. Thank you for the changing seasons and for the people you bring in and out of my life. Thank you for making a world so bright and colorful when you could have made it flat and gray. Thank you for the little things. Thank you, Father.
The way Grant grins with his whole body.
not locking my keys in my car at the Brady gas station last week.
the way Mason says cubby.
the window over my kitchen sink.
The way Troy laughs when we watch the Office
teaching writing at Glenn
the way my house looks so cozy when only the oven light is on
the way I can smell spring coming
walking down the summer toy aisle at Target and getting excited
that picture of Troy and I at our Prom
the way my bed feels when I crawl into it at night
scrapbooking paper
having a TV show to look forward to watching on Tuesdays
having a house with a long skinny sidewalk leading to the front door
my front porch
having Bill Pay
growing up in Marble Falls
the way music makes me feel
Mason's laugh
Dr. Pepper with a Baked Potato
the sunrise last week that took my breath away
grant's chubby feet
my church
a house that came with a craft room
those moments when I walk by someone wearing my nona's perfume
the tradition of the superbowl
the way the national anthem makes me feel
the big tree in my front yard
The Frio River and how the things around the river may change, the rocks and the river itself are exactly as they were when I was a child
a friend who likes to do nothing but sit and talk
coffee at school
the wonderful smell of rain
bubble baths
the way all of Grant's well check-ups have fallen on my days off
having 4th period conference
knowing my work schedule from now until May
the strawberry farm and getting to see Mason find big strawberries
the way I cry the first time I hear a Christmas song during the holidays
the smell of sunscreen
the time I saw an active volcano create lightning
having my biggest classes in the morning
the familiar comforting sound of the heater coming on
that grant likes Target brand formula and luvs diapers
for board games
the first time I see a bluebonnet in the spring
half price night at Gils
books that take you away from this world and this life into another
my mom
that troy doesn't have a job that requires him to wear nice shirts and ties every day
for grant's birthmark
and for a million more little things that tell me you do care about me. The big things, my health, my freedoms, my family, those are easy to remember. But thank you for the little things that I often don't notice. Thank you for making red birds, and water that makes reflections and for the sounds of crickets at night and for the sound of a saddle creaking on a horse. Thank you for starting each day with a new sunrise and for ending it with a sunset. Thank you for the changing seasons and for the people you bring in and out of my life. Thank you for making a world so bright and colorful when you could have made it flat and gray. Thank you for the little things. Thank you, Father.
Poker with the boys
Last night troy had four guys from work over to play poker. He wanted me to play for some reason and told me he pay for my "buy in." So, I played.
And, ladies, I don't think I was too shabby. I never had to buy back in and I actually came out with some winnings. Yep, that's right. 4 bucks. I know. It was a high stakes game, let me tell you.
At one point I had about 30 bucks in front of me. I lost most of it to a pair of queens. But, I won a really big hand with pocket 4's. I actually made someone go all in. It was a pretty fun night. It was nice doing something that Troy enjoys and he was impressed with a few of my plays. I don't think I'll become a poker shark or anything, but it was pretty good free entertainment. Well, actually it was paying entertainment. What am I going to do with my big winnings?
And, ladies, I don't think I was too shabby. I never had to buy back in and I actually came out with some winnings. Yep, that's right. 4 bucks. I know. It was a high stakes game, let me tell you.
At one point I had about 30 bucks in front of me. I lost most of it to a pair of queens. But, I won a really big hand with pocket 4's. I actually made someone go all in. It was a pretty fun night. It was nice doing something that Troy enjoys and he was impressed with a few of my plays. I don't think I'll become a poker shark or anything, but it was pretty good free entertainment. Well, actually it was paying entertainment. What am I going to do with my big winnings?
You understand...
When Mason and I were cleaning his room yesterday, I made it into a much bigger mess before it got better. I had pulled out all his drawers, piled books all over the place, and scattered toys everywhere. Mason looks at the room, and sternly says,
"You understand that you will be the one cleaning up this mess since you were the one that made it, right?"
"You understand that you will be the one cleaning up this mess since you were the one that made it, right?"
101.50
Yesterday we got a check in the mail from TXU energy for 101.50.
We haven't used their services in a year and a half. The check was a supposed refund.
I really have no clue why or how or anything.
But I am not asking any questions except the obvious one:
What do we do with it?
I asked Troy and my dear sweet husband's response was, "Why don't you take it and do whatever you want with it, you know, pamper yourself."
I agreed instantly.
But, the responsible side of me thinks maybe I should save it or do something wise with it.
I am squelching that side of me. I am beating her down. She will not win. This woman is going to spend this money in the most frivolous way possible.
But how?
Should I:
buy clothes
buy shoes
get a pedicure
do something pretty and decorative for our bedroom
do something to that blue wall in mason's room
save it for a new lens for my camera(this is giving in a little bit to that other side of me, but I really really really want a new telephoto lens...)
use it to buy organizing things for my craft room
movies?
Books?
a small piece of furniture?
The possibilities are endless.
All I know is that I want to hurry up and spend it before we find out the real reason God, er, txu, sent the money to us.
PS I do fully realize that 100 bucks is not much money but when it's un "enveloped" money, it takes on a whole new level of value.
Illl keep you posted on my decision
We haven't used their services in a year and a half. The check was a supposed refund.
I really have no clue why or how or anything.
But I am not asking any questions except the obvious one:
What do we do with it?
I asked Troy and my dear sweet husband's response was, "Why don't you take it and do whatever you want with it, you know, pamper yourself."
I agreed instantly.
But, the responsible side of me thinks maybe I should save it or do something wise with it.
I am squelching that side of me. I am beating her down. She will not win. This woman is going to spend this money in the most frivolous way possible.
But how?
Should I:
buy clothes
buy shoes
get a pedicure
do something pretty and decorative for our bedroom
do something to that blue wall in mason's room
save it for a new lens for my camera(this is giving in a little bit to that other side of me, but I really really really want a new telephoto lens...)
use it to buy organizing things for my craft room
movies?
Books?
a small piece of furniture?
The possibilities are endless.
All I know is that I want to hurry up and spend it before we find out the real reason God, er, txu, sent the money to us.
PS I do fully realize that 100 bucks is not much money but when it's un "enveloped" money, it takes on a whole new level of value.
Illl keep you posted on my decision
We found the carpet!
Below is a picture of Mason's room yesterday morning. Shameful, I know. It had been like that almost non stop since Christmas. We would clean it , but it would just get messy all over again. There just wasn't a good system in place. So, yesterday, I made a plan, went greasy-hair-ponytailed to Lowes with both boys, spent 10 years picking out the best, yet cheapest supplies and then Mason and I went to work. 
I bought six buckets hung them from hooks on one of his walls and now each bucket holds certain toys. In mason's words we have "a cars bucket, a mans bucket, a ball bucket, an outside bug toy catcher bucket, a shooter things bucket and a critters bucket." Big toys are in the closet and trunk.
I love it because he can take the buckets off the wall and take them outside or wherever and then it's easy to put them back. Things are kept off the floor and I think the buckets are kind of cute. I am thinking of painting a square of chalkboard paint on the buckets or on the wall above the bucket for labeling, but can't decide if that's a good idea or not.
I am also thrilled about the big blank wall above the buckets. What to do...what to do...
I bought six buckets hung them from hooks on one of his walls and now each bucket holds certain toys. In mason's words we have "a cars bucket, a mans bucket, a ball bucket, an outside bug toy catcher bucket, a shooter things bucket and a critters bucket." Big toys are in the closet and trunk.
I love it because he can take the buckets off the wall and take them outside or wherever and then it's easy to put them back. Things are kept off the floor and I think the buckets are kind of cute. I am thinking of painting a square of chalkboard paint on the buckets or on the wall above the bucket for labeling, but can't decide if that's a good idea or not.
I am also thrilled about the big blank wall above the buckets. What to do...what to do...
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Dern Weather
No Ice.
No late start.
No snow.
No half day.
Poo.
I hope God is bigger than the forecast today and we get some massive ice accumulation around 2 pm - right before my 7th period class from h - e - double hockey sticks arrives.
No late start.
No snow.
No half day.
Poo.
I hope God is bigger than the forecast today and we get some massive ice accumulation around 2 pm - right before my 7th period class from h - e - double hockey sticks arrives.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Hurry!
For some reason, my blog is not blocked today. I must post quickly before someone notices I am not teaching!
Grant's four month check up was yesterday.
17.4 pounds
25 inches long
Can eat solids - loves it!
Had a most wonderful and relaxing time at home this weekend. Did nothing but sit and chat with my mom. We played scrabble too. I love scrabble!!!
I don't want to be at work. Surprise.
I drank coffee on a completely empty stomach - feeling a little shakey...
We are about to have two new babies join our world! Can you imagine? I can't wait!!!!!!!!
My niece found out she is having a boy! Grant will have a buddy!
I guess that's it.
Grant's four month check up was yesterday.
17.4 pounds
25 inches long
Can eat solids - loves it!
Had a most wonderful and relaxing time at home this weekend. Did nothing but sit and chat with my mom. We played scrabble too. I love scrabble!!!
I don't want to be at work. Surprise.
I drank coffee on a completely empty stomach - feeling a little shakey...
We are about to have two new babies join our world! Can you imagine? I can't wait!!!!!!!!
My niece found out she is having a boy! Grant will have a buddy!
I guess that's it.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety Jig
I get to go home tomorrow!
I can't wait.
Can't wait.
Can't wait.
When I get out of my car at my parent's it just feels like home. No matter the season, there is just something in the air, the familiar noises, the smells, something that makes me feel so...so.., at home. In every sense of the word. I am always inspired when I go home. I feel most creative there or when I have just returned from there.
It is quite simply a wonderful place to be.
Can't wait.
Can't wait.
Can't wait.
I can't wait.
Can't wait.
Can't wait.
When I get out of my car at my parent's it just feels like home. No matter the season, there is just something in the air, the familiar noises, the smells, something that makes me feel so...so.., at home. In every sense of the word. I am always inspired when I go home. I feel most creative there or when I have just returned from there.
It is quite simply a wonderful place to be.
Can't wait.
Can't wait.
Can't wait.
Yummers!
I made french toast and bacon for dinner tonight.
Heaven help us! It was Dee-Lish!
Why on earth haven't I made this a million times? It was easy, it was good, and it was quick.
Notice the world healthy remained out of the descriptive section.
Even Mason said with eyebrows raised in admiration, "Wow, mom, you need to make this more often because it is good."
I love breakfast for dinner. It's just the absolute best.
Heaven help us! It was Dee-Lish!
Why on earth haven't I made this a million times? It was easy, it was good, and it was quick.
Notice the world healthy remained out of the descriptive section.
Even Mason said with eyebrows raised in admiration, "Wow, mom, you need to make this more often because it is good."
I love breakfast for dinner. It's just the absolute best.
Beaming
Today during advisory, Mrs. Abbot, a teacher I worked closely with last year comes rushing into my class. In her arms she has 13 black paperback books and she is beaming.
"Oh, my gosh!" She says. "Oh, my gosh. Oh my gosh! Just look - this is my student!"
She points to an essay on one of the pages.
"It is a lesson!" She exclaims, her face red with excitement.
When I realize what I am looking at I can't believe it. Our students' stories are in a published book. Can you imagine?
I freak out with her and start flipping through the pages of the book by Gretchen Bernabei. A quick scan of the table of contents shows me that 13 of my students' essays are published in this book. As examples of excellence. I see their names - Taylor, Sarah, Emily, Cynthia, Aramis....and tears well in my eyes.
Last year I had a number of students receive a 4 on their TAKS essay. That's the highest you can get. About 4% of Texas 7th graders get that. I am not certain that is right, but it's in that ball park. Maybe 6%. Anyway, there is a t well known teacher from San Antonio whose teaching strategies we use and whose workshops we adore. When we got our fantastic scores back, Pam emailed Gretchen to tell her about our scores. And then Gretchen asked us if we would get all of our students who got a 4 to sign a release saying their story could be published in her next book.
We did that.
Today, we saw that book. Hot off the presses. 13 of my students' essays are in this book called Sparklers. It is full of student essays from all over texas. At the front of the book it says, " Thank you to following school people whose cooperation has been invaluable: ...Jenny Wilde in San Angelo ISD..."
You know as a teacher I always look at all these teacher books and read these great lessons and great examples of student work and I would always wonder who those teachers were and what they did that was so great. Now someone might wonder that about me! It's just crazy!
So, tomorrow I get to deliver these books to my students from last year and hug them and tell them that I am so proud of them. And I am going to get them to sign my book. I absolutely can't wait.
This morning I sat in my car for about three minutes before I could manage the thought of going inside. I was not excited about what I was teaching. And I was tired. And I just didn't want to be there. I just know I am not being a great teacher. I am definitely not the worst. But far, far from the best. But today, when I saw those books and I read those essays, I was proud of myself. I was reminded that hard work pays off. But more than anything I was so very proud of my students. For a teacher, there is no greater day than the day your students inspire you.
Thank you sweet Heavenly Father for making my day.
"Oh, my gosh!" She says. "Oh, my gosh. Oh my gosh! Just look - this is my student!"
She points to an essay on one of the pages.
"It is a lesson!" She exclaims, her face red with excitement.
When I realize what I am looking at I can't believe it. Our students' stories are in a published book. Can you imagine?
I freak out with her and start flipping through the pages of the book by Gretchen Bernabei. A quick scan of the table of contents shows me that 13 of my students' essays are published in this book. As examples of excellence. I see their names - Taylor, Sarah, Emily, Cynthia, Aramis....and tears well in my eyes.
Last year I had a number of students receive a 4 on their TAKS essay. That's the highest you can get. About 4% of Texas 7th graders get that. I am not certain that is right, but it's in that ball park. Maybe 6%. Anyway, there is a t well known teacher from San Antonio whose teaching strategies we use and whose workshops we adore. When we got our fantastic scores back, Pam emailed Gretchen to tell her about our scores. And then Gretchen asked us if we would get all of our students who got a 4 to sign a release saying their story could be published in her next book.
We did that.
Today, we saw that book. Hot off the presses. 13 of my students' essays are in this book called Sparklers. It is full of student essays from all over texas. At the front of the book it says, " Thank you to following school people whose cooperation has been invaluable: ...Jenny Wilde in San Angelo ISD..."
You know as a teacher I always look at all these teacher books and read these great lessons and great examples of student work and I would always wonder who those teachers were and what they did that was so great. Now someone might wonder that about me! It's just crazy!
So, tomorrow I get to deliver these books to my students from last year and hug them and tell them that I am so proud of them. And I am going to get them to sign my book. I absolutely can't wait.
This morning I sat in my car for about three minutes before I could manage the thought of going inside. I was not excited about what I was teaching. And I was tired. And I just didn't want to be there. I just know I am not being a great teacher. I am definitely not the worst. But far, far from the best. But today, when I saw those books and I read those essays, I was proud of myself. I was reminded that hard work pays off. But more than anything I was so very proud of my students. For a teacher, there is no greater day than the day your students inspire you.
Thank you sweet Heavenly Father for making my day.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Random Thoughts
This is going to be quick. I am just waiting for the coffee to take effect so I have some form of energy to finish laundry, wash dishes, clean the bathroom and grade the insane stack of papers sitting in my bag. Apparently, when you have worksheet days, you also have worksheet grades...it's kind of a lose-lose...
Troy was gone last night and won't be back until late tonight. It's nice to have the house to myself every once in a while...for about five seconds. Then I crave adult contact and miss him terribly. Plus I miss the extra body heat in bed.
I bought a new pair of shoes about two weeks ago - 14 bucks from wal-mart. If you have seen me since that time, you have seen the new shoes: black ballet slipper with brassish buckle on the toe. I have literally worn them almost every day. You wanna know the last pair of shoes I bought? The white heels I wore in Kylah's wedding...in March. My husband better know how lucky he is.
I think I have booked my first official "shoot" as sprinkle of grace photography. Remember my friend who got engaged a while back when her fiance proposed at school? She wants me to do her engagements in February. I am desperately hoping I can do her bridals too because she is beautiful. I would love to have her in my, ahem, my portfolio. Aaah, yes, my portfolio. It sounds so very professional, doesn't it....
Still no phone. I even cleaned the car out today. I am officially worried.
Grant might be spoiled. just a wee bit. This is the routine: Cries, cries, cries, pick him up, stops, even act like you're putting him down, and he starts to grumble. Not good. Today his teacher told me "he did so much better yesterday. He usually would cry for like thirty minutes before calming down sometimes, but now he doesn't. " Needless to say I cried in the car on the way to school and once again calculated the financial ramifications of me just quitting. Sigh. Next year. Next year is the year. I can feel it.
The coffee is kicking in.
I can't wait to go home. I have monday off so it will be a nice little stay. Mom asked what I wanted her to make. Um, um, Pork Chops, Squash and potatoes(the kind in the pan with onions and kind of crispy) and maybe, maybe, Nona's Sausage Soup...AND CORNBREAD!!! That's a must. I don't care if that is a meal all by itself. Yum...I can't wait! I'm sad Troy can't go. Work. Stupid work.
Speaking of Troy and work - he won't have a single day off until mid MARCH. Not a one. Many overnight trips. Many late nights and odd hours. But some of the days, like Saturdays and Sundays are just like a two hour practice or so, not the whole day. But our time together is very sparse. BUT he and I both have two MONTHS off together in the summer, with paychecks!!! Now, I can't complain about that!
Wendy's last post was so great. I loved it. It was just wonderful and relieving, if that makes sense. I am so glad she shared it.
The darn coffee has taken effect so I can procrastinate no longer. I must do. something.
This wasn't quick at all. I am just a woman of many words, I suppose.
Troy was gone last night and won't be back until late tonight. It's nice to have the house to myself every once in a while...for about five seconds. Then I crave adult contact and miss him terribly. Plus I miss the extra body heat in bed.
I bought a new pair of shoes about two weeks ago - 14 bucks from wal-mart. If you have seen me since that time, you have seen the new shoes: black ballet slipper with brassish buckle on the toe. I have literally worn them almost every day. You wanna know the last pair of shoes I bought? The white heels I wore in Kylah's wedding...in March. My husband better know how lucky he is.
I think I have booked my first official "shoot" as sprinkle of grace photography. Remember my friend who got engaged a while back when her fiance proposed at school? She wants me to do her engagements in February. I am desperately hoping I can do her bridals too because she is beautiful. I would love to have her in my, ahem, my portfolio. Aaah, yes, my portfolio. It sounds so very professional, doesn't it....
Still no phone. I even cleaned the car out today. I am officially worried.
Grant might be spoiled. just a wee bit. This is the routine: Cries, cries, cries, pick him up, stops, even act like you're putting him down, and he starts to grumble. Not good. Today his teacher told me "he did so much better yesterday. He usually would cry for like thirty minutes before calming down sometimes, but now he doesn't. " Needless to say I cried in the car on the way to school and once again calculated the financial ramifications of me just quitting. Sigh. Next year. Next year is the year. I can feel it.
The coffee is kicking in.
I can't wait to go home. I have monday off so it will be a nice little stay. Mom asked what I wanted her to make. Um, um, Pork Chops, Squash and potatoes(the kind in the pan with onions and kind of crispy) and maybe, maybe, Nona's Sausage Soup...AND CORNBREAD!!! That's a must. I don't care if that is a meal all by itself. Yum...I can't wait! I'm sad Troy can't go. Work. Stupid work.
Speaking of Troy and work - he won't have a single day off until mid MARCH. Not a one. Many overnight trips. Many late nights and odd hours. But some of the days, like Saturdays and Sundays are just like a two hour practice or so, not the whole day. But our time together is very sparse. BUT he and I both have two MONTHS off together in the summer, with paychecks!!! Now, I can't complain about that!
Wendy's last post was so great. I loved it. It was just wonderful and relieving, if that makes sense. I am so glad she shared it.
The darn coffee has taken effect so I can procrastinate no longer. I must do. something.
This wasn't quick at all. I am just a woman of many words, I suppose.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Cell-less...
My cell phone is awol.
I haven't a clue where it could be.
I've searched the house, the car, my classroom.
I haven't the foggiest notion of when I last saw it or used it or heard it.
I really don't mind terribly. I only actually answer my phone like 20 times a year.
But it has its drawbacks - no long distance service at the moment. I need to call my mom. I need to tell her we want to come visit this weekend.
So, mom if you are reading this, call me.
And everyone else, I am not ignoring you. I just have no cell phone.
And I'll go ahead and make the obvious joke here.
Yes, I checked the toilet...
I haven't a clue where it could be.
I've searched the house, the car, my classroom.
I haven't the foggiest notion of when I last saw it or used it or heard it.
I really don't mind terribly. I only actually answer my phone like 20 times a year.
But it has its drawbacks - no long distance service at the moment. I need to call my mom. I need to tell her we want to come visit this weekend.
So, mom if you are reading this, call me.
And everyone else, I am not ignoring you. I just have no cell phone.
And I'll go ahead and make the obvious joke here.
Yes, I checked the toilet...
Monday, January 14, 2008
Sunday, January 13, 2008
To seph and A.
Your loss is a great one. I think of you in this quiet hour at the end of a devastating day in your life.
I will not say that I know how you feel. I will not say that I understand.
I don't.
Today, your dreams were crushed. Your fears realized.
I am truly sorry for your loss. I will provide a shoulder to cry on.
And to Romo - How dare you do this to my friends? How dare you...
:)
I will not say that I know how you feel. I will not say that I understand.
I don't.
Today, your dreams were crushed. Your fears realized.
I am truly sorry for your loss. I will provide a shoulder to cry on.
And to Romo - How dare you do this to my friends? How dare you...
:)
FYI
I would be a terrible friend if I didn't post this.
Old Navy is having a super big clearance - 50% off already marked down prices. Yep.
There are tons of itty bitty baby stuff, all you expecting mommas.
I bought mason shirts for 2.50, sweaters for five.
There are tons of pants on sale for mommas. And a huge section of maternity stuff. Although it was mostly wintery...
Anyway, just thought I would share. If this sale is old news, sorry!
Old Navy is having a super big clearance - 50% off already marked down prices. Yep.
There are tons of itty bitty baby stuff, all you expecting mommas.
I bought mason shirts for 2.50, sweaters for five.
There are tons of pants on sale for mommas. And a huge section of maternity stuff. Although it was mostly wintery...
Anyway, just thought I would share. If this sale is old news, sorry!
Thump.
I feel like God literally thumped me on the head today and followed it up with a "Hello, McFly!"
So, after yet another wonderful sermon by our pastor, I went to the altar with my 17 pound child who was a sleeping dead weight in my arms and began praying. The sermon was about dealing with disappointments in life - you know unfulfilled expectations. Hello. Unfulfilled expectations are like a daily, almost hourly occurrence in my world sometimes. But it did get me thinking about all my abundantly fulfilled expectations. But that's totally not what this thump on my head dealt with. So, moving on...
I am up there praying, something along the lines of, "Thank you for all our blessings,(list blessings with sincerity). I want to do what you want me to do, even if that means working...But (we always give God a but don't we? Then he kicks ours.) I feel like I can't do it all. I can't be the wife, mother, friend, teacher that I should be. I don't know how to get it all done and be every ones everything...
This is when the thump came.
Obviously this thump will seem very much like a duh to those of you who are, let's just say, a little more advanced in your spiritual endeavors than I, but nonetheless I am putting this out there.
Thump: "Please ME."
This is when, if you had been watching me, you literally would have seen me chuckle mid prayer.
Well, duh. Please Him. Please Him. And everyone else will have to get over it.
Hello, McFly!
Okay, just so you don't think I am literally the dumbest Christian in town, I have always known to please God. Duh. That's like rule one.
But, I hadn't really thought of it, are you ready to say duh again?, in this area of my life.
All together now - DUH.
I absolutely cannot be the best wife, mother, friend, teacher, cook, housekeeper, bedmaker, daughter, aunt, etc. all the time ever. BUT if I just focus on what pleases GOD, then the other stuff shouldn't matter.
Shouldn't matter is of course the operative phrase there. Very easy to type, not so easy to live. Especially for people pleaser extraordinaire over here. To say I like to please people might be the understatement of the year. I live for pleasing PEOPLE. Obviously, I may not do it all the time, but I sure do want to.
But, here's what the bruise from this spiritual thump left me to realize. If I please Him, then the rest will fall into place. FOR ME. Everyone else might think my world, my classroom, or my house is going to hell in a hand basket, but I will know that I am doing what God wants me to do. Well, some times. Because let's face it-knowing what pleases God and then doing it is not always the easiest thing in world, but you know what I mean.
God doesn't want me to spend money I don't have on things I don't need to impress others.
God doesn't want me to put my job before my family.
God doesn't want me to have a sparkling pristine house, instead of enjoying what precious little time I have with my children right now. (I wish he would tell me to hire a maid...)
God doesn't want me to be a master chef for my family, or to host parties all the time, or to whatever. Those are all things I have thought I needed to do. (I didn't say I actually did them, people. Obviously not. I just have been beating myself up for not doing them.)
God does want me to have a good attitude.
God does want me to be a good teacher for my students.
God does want me to be happy in all situations.
God does want me to make church a priority.
God does want me to stop beating myself up for not doing everything.
Ad the big kahuna, God does want me to love others. But for HIM - not for ME.
Big confession there, folks.
Just in case you missed it, let's say it one more time.
God wants me to love others for HIM, not for ME. Not for my glory - His.
Yikes. I think a goose egg is forming from that thump.
Hello, McFly.
Please Me.
Seriously - sometimes you just need a good thump on the head.
So, after yet another wonderful sermon by our pastor, I went to the altar with my 17 pound child who was a sleeping dead weight in my arms and began praying. The sermon was about dealing with disappointments in life - you know unfulfilled expectations. Hello. Unfulfilled expectations are like a daily, almost hourly occurrence in my world sometimes. But it did get me thinking about all my abundantly fulfilled expectations. But that's totally not what this thump on my head dealt with. So, moving on...
I am up there praying, something along the lines of, "Thank you for all our blessings,(list blessings with sincerity). I want to do what you want me to do, even if that means working...But (we always give God a but don't we? Then he kicks ours.) I feel like I can't do it all. I can't be the wife, mother, friend, teacher that I should be. I don't know how to get it all done and be every ones everything...
This is when the thump came.
Obviously this thump will seem very much like a duh to those of you who are, let's just say, a little more advanced in your spiritual endeavors than I, but nonetheless I am putting this out there.
Thump: "Please ME."
This is when, if you had been watching me, you literally would have seen me chuckle mid prayer.
Well, duh. Please Him. Please Him. And everyone else will have to get over it.
Hello, McFly!
Okay, just so you don't think I am literally the dumbest Christian in town, I have always known to please God. Duh. That's like rule one.
But, I hadn't really thought of it, are you ready to say duh again?, in this area of my life.
All together now - DUH.
I absolutely cannot be the best wife, mother, friend, teacher, cook, housekeeper, bedmaker, daughter, aunt, etc. all the time ever. BUT if I just focus on what pleases GOD, then the other stuff shouldn't matter.
Shouldn't matter is of course the operative phrase there. Very easy to type, not so easy to live. Especially for people pleaser extraordinaire over here. To say I like to please people might be the understatement of the year. I live for pleasing PEOPLE. Obviously, I may not do it all the time, but I sure do want to.
But, here's what the bruise from this spiritual thump left me to realize. If I please Him, then the rest will fall into place. FOR ME. Everyone else might think my world, my classroom, or my house is going to hell in a hand basket, but I will know that I am doing what God wants me to do. Well, some times. Because let's face it-knowing what pleases God and then doing it is not always the easiest thing in world, but you know what I mean.
God doesn't want me to spend money I don't have on things I don't need to impress others.
God doesn't want me to put my job before my family.
God doesn't want me to have a sparkling pristine house, instead of enjoying what precious little time I have with my children right now. (I wish he would tell me to hire a maid...)
God doesn't want me to be a master chef for my family, or to host parties all the time, or to whatever. Those are all things I have thought I needed to do. (I didn't say I actually did them, people. Obviously not. I just have been beating myself up for not doing them.)
God does want me to have a good attitude.
God does want me to be a good teacher for my students.
God does want me to be happy in all situations.
God does want me to make church a priority.
God does want me to stop beating myself up for not doing everything.
Ad the big kahuna, God does want me to love others. But for HIM - not for ME.
Big confession there, folks.
Just in case you missed it, let's say it one more time.
God wants me to love others for HIM, not for ME. Not for my glory - His.
Yikes. I think a goose egg is forming from that thump.
Hello, McFly.
Please Me.
Seriously - sometimes you just need a good thump on the head.
Smitten Kitten
I think I have the best boys in the whole world. I am just smitten!
Grant is pure perfection. His profile, that cute little nose and chin, his eyelashes, oh my heavens, it just about breaks my heart it's so adorable. And he giggles a lot now. This cute, sweet, deep little chuckle that makes any day a thousand times better. He's started talking - you know all those goo's, and Gaaaahs and mmm's. Sometimes I could swear he just knows he is telling us something of such great importance.
He loves his exersaucer. He loves to lay on the floor and kick. He loves to eat. Obviously. He weighs 17 pounds. He wears at least size 6 months clothes and has outgrown many of those things. Nine months fit him best. He thinks getting his diaper changed is just the best thing in the world! He giggles and smiles and squirms. It actually makes changing his diaper kinda fun. While he is sleeping really well in his bed, he still loves to snuggle with me and nap. I have a hard time getting to sleep because I am just so in love with him. I just love to watch him.
We found what appears to be a birthmarks on his left knee. I am thrilled about this because I have a birthmark on my upper left thigh. Also, he has this little dimple on his chest. So does Mason. And so did my dad. I know this is super cheesy and totally stupid, but I feel like that little dimple is God's way of showing me that my dad got to meet my boys before they left heaven.
Grant is everything I could have hoped for. And by the way, Troy is totally smitten as well. And I think the bottle feeding thing has helped him feel more involved in a lot of ways.
***
Mason. Oh, boy. That's what he says all the time.
"Mason, do you want to have potato soup for dinner?"
"Ooh, boy, I do."
He is so great. We have been battling him getting in bed with us. We told him for special occasions, or scary nights he can sleep in our bed, but not every night. He's been doing pretty well with that, but yesterday and today, he brought a pillow and blanket in our room and slept on the floor. It was sweet and sad at the same time. He also told me that "sometimes i wake up and go in ya'lls room and just look at you and then I go back to my bed." That almost broke my heart.
We have crossed over to the other side. The other side of the clothing section. We are now in boys clothes, not toddlers. I was sad about this for two reasons. 1, he is getting too big. 2, the clothes are way more expensive.
He gets attached to toys for days at a time. Right now, the sword he got from F's birthday party is always in his hands. He even sleeps with it. He also is attached to his cell phone. He calls his babies all the time. His babies are his imaginary friends that he has had for like two years. They have names and are always in trouble.
There is a girl at his school that "really, really, likes" him. "Oooh, boy, she likes me." he says. Her name is Bree and she is stinkin' cute so I am okay with this little crush. Plus she is really smart so...
I just love the age he is at. You can talk to him, reason with him, explain things...and still lie when necessary. Come on, moms, you know you all do it. Daddy could have taken all the candy from Christmas and given it to the ASU basketball team...
***
Troy. My husband of nearly EIGHT years. EIGHT years. It feels impossible that it's been that long but then like we've always been married.
Troy is a good husband. He is appreciative and helpful and kind and generous and understanding. He takes away my sniffles and makes me smile.
Our love is not that infatuated, giddy, butterflyish love so much anymore. It's a solid, thankful kind of love. I am thankful for him in so many ways.
The other night we did something very romantic and sexy at the same time. It was planned out and just us. I think that's what made it both of those things. It was my idea and he loved, loved, it. I felt like a hot wife and he felt like a lucky husband.
Side note - Your imaginations are possibly running wild. If you want to know what we did, I will gladly tell you but I don't want to post it. It wasn't that crazy, by any means! I just don't want to post it due to the public nature of this blog. But, really, it wasn't that crazy. You've all done it I bet. Maybe...If not you should!
Anyway, this little evening of ours was just fun - it reminded me that wives and mothers of two can and should be sexy and that we must do fun things for our poor neglected hubbies. And since that night troy has just been so...appreciative. He says thank you and helps out more and he's just been great. And I have tried to be more of what he needs. It put us back in the center of things since Grant was born. You all know how kids can kind of consume you both and then you give each other what's left. This fun night reminded us to put us first.
He told me the other night, "I was telling the guys(work friends) something about you and it just hit me. I really do have the best wife in the world. " He told his friends that. And he said they agreed. That's a good feeling, you know? One to actually hear the words, but then to know that his guy friends tell him he's lucky. I'm not the naggy wife, the yelling wife, the whiney, why- aren't-you- home-yet wife. I am a good wife. It's just nice to have an audible acknowledgement of things like that sometimes.
***
So my boys. How lucky could one girl be? I have the three best boys in the world. A sleeping, giggling baby, a smart, funny four year old, and a smitten husband of 8 years - life is good, my friends.
Grant is pure perfection. His profile, that cute little nose and chin, his eyelashes, oh my heavens, it just about breaks my heart it's so adorable. And he giggles a lot now. This cute, sweet, deep little chuckle that makes any day a thousand times better. He's started talking - you know all those goo's, and Gaaaahs and mmm's. Sometimes I could swear he just knows he is telling us something of such great importance.
He loves his exersaucer. He loves to lay on the floor and kick. He loves to eat. Obviously. He weighs 17 pounds. He wears at least size 6 months clothes and has outgrown many of those things. Nine months fit him best. He thinks getting his diaper changed is just the best thing in the world! He giggles and smiles and squirms. It actually makes changing his diaper kinda fun. While he is sleeping really well in his bed, he still loves to snuggle with me and nap. I have a hard time getting to sleep because I am just so in love with him. I just love to watch him.
We found what appears to be a birthmarks on his left knee. I am thrilled about this because I have a birthmark on my upper left thigh. Also, he has this little dimple on his chest. So does Mason. And so did my dad. I know this is super cheesy and totally stupid, but I feel like that little dimple is God's way of showing me that my dad got to meet my boys before they left heaven.
Grant is everything I could have hoped for. And by the way, Troy is totally smitten as well. And I think the bottle feeding thing has helped him feel more involved in a lot of ways.
***
Mason. Oh, boy. That's what he says all the time.
"Mason, do you want to have potato soup for dinner?"
"Ooh, boy, I do."
He is so great. We have been battling him getting in bed with us. We told him for special occasions, or scary nights he can sleep in our bed, but not every night. He's been doing pretty well with that, but yesterday and today, he brought a pillow and blanket in our room and slept on the floor. It was sweet and sad at the same time. He also told me that "sometimes i wake up and go in ya'lls room and just look at you and then I go back to my bed." That almost broke my heart.
We have crossed over to the other side. The other side of the clothing section. We are now in boys clothes, not toddlers. I was sad about this for two reasons. 1, he is getting too big. 2, the clothes are way more expensive.
He gets attached to toys for days at a time. Right now, the sword he got from F's birthday party is always in his hands. He even sleeps with it. He also is attached to his cell phone. He calls his babies all the time. His babies are his imaginary friends that he has had for like two years. They have names and are always in trouble.
There is a girl at his school that "really, really, likes" him. "Oooh, boy, she likes me." he says. Her name is Bree and she is stinkin' cute so I am okay with this little crush. Plus she is really smart so...
I just love the age he is at. You can talk to him, reason with him, explain things...and still lie when necessary. Come on, moms, you know you all do it. Daddy could have taken all the candy from Christmas and given it to the ASU basketball team...
***
Troy. My husband of nearly EIGHT years. EIGHT years. It feels impossible that it's been that long but then like we've always been married.
Troy is a good husband. He is appreciative and helpful and kind and generous and understanding. He takes away my sniffles and makes me smile.
Our love is not that infatuated, giddy, butterflyish love so much anymore. It's a solid, thankful kind of love. I am thankful for him in so many ways.
The other night we did something very romantic and sexy at the same time. It was planned out and just us. I think that's what made it both of those things. It was my idea and he loved, loved, it. I felt like a hot wife and he felt like a lucky husband.
Side note - Your imaginations are possibly running wild. If you want to know what we did, I will gladly tell you but I don't want to post it. It wasn't that crazy, by any means! I just don't want to post it due to the public nature of this blog. But, really, it wasn't that crazy. You've all done it I bet. Maybe...If not you should!
Anyway, this little evening of ours was just fun - it reminded me that wives and mothers of two can and should be sexy and that we must do fun things for our poor neglected hubbies. And since that night troy has just been so...appreciative. He says thank you and helps out more and he's just been great. And I have tried to be more of what he needs. It put us back in the center of things since Grant was born. You all know how kids can kind of consume you both and then you give each other what's left. This fun night reminded us to put us first.
He told me the other night, "I was telling the guys(work friends) something about you and it just hit me. I really do have the best wife in the world. " He told his friends that. And he said they agreed. That's a good feeling, you know? One to actually hear the words, but then to know that his guy friends tell him he's lucky. I'm not the naggy wife, the yelling wife, the whiney, why- aren't-you- home-yet wife. I am a good wife. It's just nice to have an audible acknowledgement of things like that sometimes.
***
So my boys. How lucky could one girl be? I have the three best boys in the world. A sleeping, giggling baby, a smart, funny four year old, and a smitten husband of 8 years - life is good, my friends.
Friday, January 11, 2008
It's Friday!
This has been quite a long week. Not bad, but just long. Every day I would wake up thinking, "I can't believe it's only____ !" But it's now Friday. At long last, it's Friday.
Grant has done well with his first week of daycare. I cried on the first two days after dropping him off, but it wasn't near as bad as I expected it to be. He is adjusting well to the schedule and so far has formula at school, and nurses at home. He does have one bottle of formula at home before bed time but I am doing okay with the eventual termination of nursing. I think we'll be okay.
Bedtime. Both boys have been in bed, asleep, by 8:30 every night this week. I cannot tell you how nice that has been for me to know that at 8:30, the evening is mine. I try not to think of the obvious downside of this arrangement - I pick the boys up at 4:30, home by 5, in bed by 8. I spend three waking hours with my children. Imagine the knife piercing my heart as I write that statement. The guilt. The disappointment. Deep breath. Five months. One week at a time. One day at a time. One class period at time...
Hold onto your hats ladies and gents - Grant has slept from 8:30 - 6:30ish for three nights in a row. In his bed. It's been heavenly. I am trying to not get hopeful that this will happen on a continual basis, but, oh, how nice it would be.
Despite the new sleeping pattern in the our household, coffee has become a dear dear friend of mine. I have a cup when I get to school, and a cup at lunch to offset the afternoon drowsies I battle every day. I am officially an addict.
Thursday was a very teary day - irrationally teary. I cried several times throughout the day and then at home for no real reason. I just felt off. There was an unshakable depression that I could physically feel settle onto my chest. I don't know where it came from. I think I just feel overwhelmed by all the "I shoulds", the "I didn'ts", the "I can'ts" and the "I'm nots." I can't do it all right now. I can't be the best teacher, friend, mom, wife, housekeeper, cook, groceryshopper, billpayer, etc. And I am trying so hard to live up to all those quotes on my Mary Engelbreit page-a-day calendar. You know,
"Don't do what you like. Like what you do."
OR
"People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
OR
"Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you deal with what happens to you." etc.
I am not doing a very good job being happy in this situation and I have little voice in the back of my head that keeps saying, "Staying at home won't solve everything. If you can't be happy now, you won't be happy when..."
Don't get me wrong. I am not miserably unhappy. I am not crying every day. I don't sit at my desk and cry all day. I smile and teach and laugh with fellow teachers and have good, if not great, days. It's just that there is this constant unsettling feeling that I am not doing anything right. I am just surviving. And that, my friends, is not how I like to function.
But, its only week one. And if week one went this well, then it will most certainly only get better, I hope.
So, yesterday, after my teary day, Bekah came and watched the boys and Troy and I went to see National Treasure 2 and I loved it!!! It definitely helped the moodiness. It just felt nice to go somewhere and see a really good movie. I love going to the movies. I mean LOVE it.
I feel like I am getting a good response from the photography stuff. Thank you all for the supportive and constructive comments. I am still a little unsure of the packages, but those prices are really what I feel my time is worth to me. And I have to keep telling myself that if it's too much for people then they don't have to hire me. Its pretty simple. So, we'll see. I just feel conceited putting those prices there. Like I think of myself and my skills too highly or something...
I get to play dress up tomorrow. I am going to be a princess. It should be interesting and quite hilarious. Some of you will be a witness to this hilarity... :)
Grant has done well with his first week of daycare. I cried on the first two days after dropping him off, but it wasn't near as bad as I expected it to be. He is adjusting well to the schedule and so far has formula at school, and nurses at home. He does have one bottle of formula at home before bed time but I am doing okay with the eventual termination of nursing. I think we'll be okay.
Bedtime. Both boys have been in bed, asleep, by 8:30 every night this week. I cannot tell you how nice that has been for me to know that at 8:30, the evening is mine. I try not to think of the obvious downside of this arrangement - I pick the boys up at 4:30, home by 5, in bed by 8. I spend three waking hours with my children. Imagine the knife piercing my heart as I write that statement. The guilt. The disappointment. Deep breath. Five months. One week at a time. One day at a time. One class period at time...
Hold onto your hats ladies and gents - Grant has slept from 8:30 - 6:30ish for three nights in a row. In his bed. It's been heavenly. I am trying to not get hopeful that this will happen on a continual basis, but, oh, how nice it would be.
Despite the new sleeping pattern in the our household, coffee has become a dear dear friend of mine. I have a cup when I get to school, and a cup at lunch to offset the afternoon drowsies I battle every day. I am officially an addict.
Thursday was a very teary day - irrationally teary. I cried several times throughout the day and then at home for no real reason. I just felt off. There was an unshakable depression that I could physically feel settle onto my chest. I don't know where it came from. I think I just feel overwhelmed by all the "I shoulds", the "I didn'ts", the "I can'ts" and the "I'm nots." I can't do it all right now. I can't be the best teacher, friend, mom, wife, housekeeper, cook, groceryshopper, billpayer, etc. And I am trying so hard to live up to all those quotes on my Mary Engelbreit page-a-day calendar. You know,
"Don't do what you like. Like what you do."
OR
"People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
OR
"Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you deal with what happens to you." etc.
I am not doing a very good job being happy in this situation and I have little voice in the back of my head that keeps saying, "Staying at home won't solve everything. If you can't be happy now, you won't be happy when..."
Don't get me wrong. I am not miserably unhappy. I am not crying every day. I don't sit at my desk and cry all day. I smile and teach and laugh with fellow teachers and have good, if not great, days. It's just that there is this constant unsettling feeling that I am not doing anything right. I am just surviving. And that, my friends, is not how I like to function.
But, its only week one. And if week one went this well, then it will most certainly only get better, I hope.
So, yesterday, after my teary day, Bekah came and watched the boys and Troy and I went to see National Treasure 2 and I loved it!!! It definitely helped the moodiness. It just felt nice to go somewhere and see a really good movie. I love going to the movies. I mean LOVE it.
I feel like I am getting a good response from the photography stuff. Thank you all for the supportive and constructive comments. I am still a little unsure of the packages, but those prices are really what I feel my time is worth to me. And I have to keep telling myself that if it's too much for people then they don't have to hire me. Its pretty simple. So, we'll see. I just feel conceited putting those prices there. Like I think of myself and my skills too highly or something...
I get to play dress up tomorrow. I am going to be a princess. It should be interesting and quite hilarious. Some of you will be a witness to this hilarity... :)
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
working links now
I have made some changes. I still don't like that my "packages" nare just called package a, b and c. I have been thinking all day about what to call them...And there are several other things I am unsure of and not totally in love with, but it will work for now.
I am rather impressed with my interlinking blogspots. Not the most professional way to go about things, but it's free! I can't complain.
I am rather impressed with my interlinking blogspots. Not the most professional way to go about things, but it's free! I can't complain.
More changes
I took off the links. I wanted to make some more changes first. In all my spare time... :)
Monday, January 7, 2008
I added some things...
to my photography blog - prices, about me, etc.
I don't know if I like the changes. I don't know if I am charging way too much or if my packages are stupid. I don't know if the about me picture is weird. I don't know if I need an about me page. I don't know why I am awake at 11:07 on a school night. I don't know what to change but I am sick of looking at them. I don't know how I can keep the four different blogs in my dashboard straight. I don't know how to figure out what to charge. I went with what my time was worth to me. I don't know what my time is worth to me. I don't know...
Help.
I must sleep now.
I might delete things in the morning...since it's obvious by the hour of this post that I may be too tired to teach apostrophes and the many intricacies of its use in the english language tomorrow, I will most likely edit my four, good grief, blogs.
I don't know if I like the changes. I don't know if I am charging way too much or if my packages are stupid. I don't know if the about me picture is weird. I don't know if I need an about me page. I don't know why I am awake at 11:07 on a school night. I don't know what to change but I am sick of looking at them. I don't know how I can keep the four different blogs in my dashboard straight. I don't know how to figure out what to charge. I went with what my time was worth to me. I don't know what my time is worth to me. I don't know...
Help.
I must sleep now.
I might delete things in the morning...since it's obvious by the hour of this post that I may be too tired to teach apostrophes and the many intricacies of its use in the english language tomorrow, I will most likely edit my four, good grief, blogs.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
procrastination blog
I dont want to do anything so I am blogging.
Mason is currently sobbing because he believes I sucked up a precious sticky hand that he got on Christmas Eve. I did no such thing. He cries still.
Grant is asleep. I should really be doing something of importance.
Work. Tomorrow. Fix that attitude.
My computer refuses to let me type an apostrophe. Odd. a little worrisome.
Mason still cries. Maybe returning to work isnt so bad.
We have no food. Sometimes food just annoys me. I just wish I could be full without having to cook or find something. I have recently discovered that I truly hate grocery shopping.
Sobbing, still. Good grief!!! Bed time will be here shortly - say 7pm. I never want Mason to learn how to tell time...
Grant is going to work with me tomorrow because it is just staff days. I hope my boss doesnt think I am taking advantage. I asked for permission. He didnt hesitate with a yes...but I just hate feeling like an inconvenience.
Put away the laundry, Jenny!!! Now. Stop blogging now!!!
My "Leap of Faith" is inappropriately titled I think. Its not really a leap of faith as much as a tiny step towards trusting that God has a different plan for me. A leap of faith would be quitting my job to do this photography thing. But I dont think that is the leap I am supposed to take right now. Oh, how I wish it was...
Is sprinkle of Grace Photography the cheesiest name ever? I have already asked that in a blog before. I like it so its staying. No need to answer the question.
I have decided recently or perhaps accepted that I am not a good friend. No, maybe not that...I am not an active friend. I am not a good phone person. I am not a good lets hang out person. And then theres the whole lack of energy and time thing...we really should just start a business of some kind and then we could hang out all the time... Think of all our talents...were teachers, artists, musicians, chefs...surely there is something!
I must do something. Fingers stop typing.
Mason has stopped crying. Ignoring him worked splendidly.
I miss my mom.
Troy is in control of our money now. I mean we, of course, still discuss everything but he is now keeper of the envelopes. I had a wee little problem of using different envelopes for different things...you cant eat shoes...and the car cant run on scrapbooking paper...
The cyring has recommenced...Lord, help me.
I didnt make a single new years resolution. Then I read the poem by A and felt well, lousy...and inspired so here is my new years poem. I am writing it right now. This should be good...
I want to laugh more
and understand a football score
I hope to have a cleaner house
and never get attacked by our friendly mouse
I want to keep my eyebrows trimmed
and be a better friend
I want to have more scripture in my heart
and find more time for my love of art
I hope to go on some cool trips
and not gain weight on my hips
Okay, both boys are crying. I suppose that my very inspirational and moving poem must end. Darn, you say! :)
Geez. I need some therapy at Target. But troy has all the dang envelopes...
Mason is currently sobbing because he believes I sucked up a precious sticky hand that he got on Christmas Eve. I did no such thing. He cries still.
Grant is asleep. I should really be doing something of importance.
Work. Tomorrow. Fix that attitude.
My computer refuses to let me type an apostrophe. Odd. a little worrisome.
Mason still cries. Maybe returning to work isnt so bad.
We have no food. Sometimes food just annoys me. I just wish I could be full without having to cook or find something. I have recently discovered that I truly hate grocery shopping.
Sobbing, still. Good grief!!! Bed time will be here shortly - say 7pm. I never want Mason to learn how to tell time...
Grant is going to work with me tomorrow because it is just staff days. I hope my boss doesnt think I am taking advantage. I asked for permission. He didnt hesitate with a yes...but I just hate feeling like an inconvenience.
Put away the laundry, Jenny!!! Now. Stop blogging now!!!
My "Leap of Faith" is inappropriately titled I think. Its not really a leap of faith as much as a tiny step towards trusting that God has a different plan for me. A leap of faith would be quitting my job to do this photography thing. But I dont think that is the leap I am supposed to take right now. Oh, how I wish it was...
Is sprinkle of Grace Photography the cheesiest name ever? I have already asked that in a blog before. I like it so its staying. No need to answer the question.
I have decided recently or perhaps accepted that I am not a good friend. No, maybe not that...I am not an active friend. I am not a good phone person. I am not a good lets hang out person. And then theres the whole lack of energy and time thing...we really should just start a business of some kind and then we could hang out all the time... Think of all our talents...were teachers, artists, musicians, chefs...surely there is something!
I must do something. Fingers stop typing.
Mason has stopped crying. Ignoring him worked splendidly.
I miss my mom.
Troy is in control of our money now. I mean we, of course, still discuss everything but he is now keeper of the envelopes. I had a wee little problem of using different envelopes for different things...you cant eat shoes...and the car cant run on scrapbooking paper...
The cyring has recommenced...Lord, help me.
I didnt make a single new years resolution. Then I read the poem by A and felt well, lousy...and inspired so here is my new years poem. I am writing it right now. This should be good...
I want to laugh more
and understand a football score
I hope to have a cleaner house
and never get attacked by our friendly mouse
I want to keep my eyebrows trimmed
and be a better friend
I want to have more scripture in my heart
and find more time for my love of art
I hope to go on some cool trips
and not gain weight on my hips
Okay, both boys are crying. I suppose that my very inspirational and moving poem must end. Darn, you say! :)
Geez. I need some therapy at Target. But troy has all the dang envelopes...
The results
I took Grant back to the doctor today. It was a much quicker experience. My doctor, Wehner, was very nice and very laid back about the whole thing. Grant, again, giggled and smiled throughout the exam and seems as healthy as a horse except for the wheezing.
Anyway, he was pretty sure it was RSV but they ran a test anyway. It came back negative. Dr. Wehner himself called back to tell us that. He still thinks he has RSV but, to be safe, he gave us two prescriptions to help with the wheezing. But I could tell he didn't think it was necessary, but was only doing it because he was supposed to. He said that "RSV is the only thing that can make you wheeze and smile at the same time." He said Grant can't go to daycare thursday and Friday but depending on how he is feeling, he can go on Monday. So, praise Jesus for that! Of course, a small part of me hoped that he would say - no day care EVER! Quit your job NOW!! That's your only choice!
He didn't though. Darn.
So, I have to figure out tomorrow and Friday but my little precious is doing okay and things look good.
Thanks for the prayers, dear friends. :)
Anyway, he was pretty sure it was RSV but they ran a test anyway. It came back negative. Dr. Wehner himself called back to tell us that. He still thinks he has RSV but, to be safe, he gave us two prescriptions to help with the wheezing. But I could tell he didn't think it was necessary, but was only doing it because he was supposed to. He said that "RSV is the only thing that can make you wheeze and smile at the same time." He said Grant can't go to daycare thursday and Friday but depending on how he is feeling, he can go on Monday. So, praise Jesus for that! Of course, a small part of me hoped that he would say - no day care EVER! Quit your job NOW!! That's your only choice!
He didn't though. Darn.
So, I have to figure out tomorrow and Friday but my little precious is doing okay and things look good.
Thanks for the prayers, dear friends. :)
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Leap of Faith
Check out the sidebar link...
It's my photography website.
Eeks.
I thought this would be a good free way to advertise and display some of my "work."
Opinions. Please. Honest opinions.
What should I add??? Take off???
Is it professional looking? Or just stupid and cheesy?
Oh, and I know that some of you have strong feelings about music on blogs but I like looking at pictures with music.
Okay, let me know what you think.
Eeks!
It's my photography website.
Eeks.
I thought this would be a good free way to advertise and display some of my "work."
Opinions. Please. Honest opinions.
What should I add??? Take off???
Is it professional looking? Or just stupid and cheesy?
Oh, and I know that some of you have strong feelings about music on blogs but I like looking at pictures with music.
Okay, let me know what you think.
Eeks!
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